memory care and travels for me

tucson anne

I still have my husband at home after an abortive 2 weeks placement when I brought him home because we were both so sad. I still plan to place him since at some point he will be chair bound (really bad knees, bad balance, and firmly in stage 6). One reason for doing so is not being trapped in my house, especially in a hot Tucson summer. My question to those of you who have placed your spouse, have you travelled since he/she was placed and did you have some sort of backup plan if something happened while you were gone (picturing myself in Alaska during that hot summer)? If you did travel, how long did you wait before you left town? I know my husband will not adjust easily, but I also know that at 80 I'm not waiting forever to be able to travel again. I'm thinking first a long weekend to visit my sister in California and then a week to the east coast to visit friends. Saving the further trips until he's been there, wherever there may be, a while. Thanks for any thoughts.

annie51

I placed my husband in mid October and visited every day so I could see how he was adjusting. He never questioned me about where he was, why he was there, never asked me to take him home. He recognized me when I got there, then once I was gone he didn’t ask where I was. I realize that I was very lucky he was like this because I don’t think I could’ve kept him there if he acted really sad in any way. But he seemed content. So I took a 3-day trip to visit my sisters about 6 weeks in. I have a good friend who is a Physician Assistant that offered to be an emergency contact and would accompany him to the hospital if there were any medical emergencies that came up while I was gone. I provided her number to the facility. It was so nice to travel without worry and I had a wonderful visit. When I saw him after being gone three days, he never asked where I was, he just smiled and acted like he always did when I visited. You’ll have to gauge how he is when you visit and find out how he is when you leave. And do have a backup contact person should something disastrous happen.

tucson anne

Thanks for this explanation—on the backup and the trip. And I can hope that the next time I try placement, it will be easier!

annie51

Yes placement is such a tough decision. And the reactions of the PWD are so varied. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Bridge4

I just placed my DW at a great group home on Jan. 2nd, and took my first solo trip in several years to California for three days this week. The sense of guilt and grief gave me great anxiety before leaving, but I am so glad I went. The caregivers at the facility were so good about redirecting her and making her feel at home. I had also arranged for DW’s best friend to be on call for emergencies, but I really learned a valuable lesson about just how good these professional caregivers are compared to what I had been able to do for her at home the last four years. My recommendation is that if you find a good facility and prepare them well with all you know about your DH, then just go and learn to trust the professionals so that you can live your life. You will still feel guilt and grief but it seems that is just something we need to live with as we begin the later stages of saying goodbye to our loved ones.

sandwichone123

Once my dh was settled in, I could travel for work without needing to make special arrangements, because I'm still available by cellphone at the same number.