Feeling misty eyed after visiting DH yesterday

White Crane

Yesterday, I made the short drive to my DH's MC like I always do on Sunday's. As usual, he was glad to see me and we had a nice visit. By a nice visit I mean I tried to show him a picture album from a trip he took to Africa in 2005 while he pointed to the animals and tried to cound them. He has no memory of his "trip of a lifetime." He has no memory of anything beyond this very moment. He kept pointing outside to a little windmill that was blowing in the breeze and calling it a man. I listened as he talked to me in his best word salad and agreed with him when it seemed appropriate. We held hands for awhile and sat in silence. I gave him a little treat I had brought for him. It was pleasant and he seemed to enjoy just sitting together. After lunch, ( I usually have lunch with him on Sundays) he was tired so we sent to his room. After getting him settled in his small bed, he scooted over and patted the pillow. He wanted me to lie down beside him. At first I hesitate but then laid down next to him and shared his pillow. All of a sudden it felt like I was home. It felt so good to lie beside him and feel his warm body snuggle next to mine. It didn't last long since he was about to fall off his narrow bed. When I sat up, I gently patted and rubbed his back until he fell asleep. Then I kissed his cheeck and tiptoed out of his room. On the drive home it hit me that when he woke up he would have no memory of me being there or lying beside him. The most I can hope for is that he would feel at peace and somehow know that he is loved.

jgreen

Oh, @White Crane What a tender moment for both of you! I am teary-eyed just reading your lovely post. Cherish these moments.

Hugs! 💝

annie51

This is a beautiful post. I had similar visits with DH in MC. The benefit to him being there was that you can have a visit like that and let the staff deal with the things that aren’t so pleasant. You were present in the moment with him and that’s the best thing you can do.

Chance Rider

@White Crane

I’m misty eyed just reading your description of such a tender visit.

Thank you for sharing that there can be good moments. Hugs 💜

M5M

White Crane, that is a lovely story, and you definitely deserve the sweet moment with your DH. Thanks for posting, it reminds us to take the good moment as they develop.

SDianeL

thank you for sharing this beautiful moment. So glad you were able to lie next to him.

Goodlife2025

Such a tender sweet moment, may the memory bring you some comfort…..

Nowhere

White Crane,

Yes! Thank you your post. I so identify with your feelings of “being home” in the scenario you describe. This is my happy time and place of feeling safe and sheltered. I’ve described it to friends as a feeling of being home, too. It’s quiet, peaceful, and calming to our souls.

My husband has been in four memory care homes for five years now. This is our last one, I hope, as he has a private room. It’s become a nightly routine for us to raise his electric bed into a sitting position, he gets on one edge, I on the other, and we share one pillow and a snack. I cover us up with throws and we hold hands watching the news and sometimes wheel of fortune. Then we go for a walk around the whole building, followed by shower and teeth brushing, finally I tuck him in each night. He still refuses personal hygiene assistance from aides. He only lives in the now. And so when I’m with him in this routine it feels like forever. Having said that, it can feel depressing as I’m limited to travel overnight to visit my family in the next state. I’ve made it this year’s goal to find someone (even if I need to hire outside help) whom he will accept to assist. . I believe I’m half the problem, as I can’t bare to think of him being upset and forced. It would lead to additional drugs, no doubt.

I’ll Just mention that Medicare supplied his bed as he has a history of sleep apnea and acid reflux. Every night his head is elevated slightly. Laying wouldn’t be as comfortable as sitting during our together time!

Sorry for the long post!

So happy, though, for you to have this experience with your husband.