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Just needed to vent a bit

SpokaneTom
SpokaneTom Member Posts: 11
25 Care Reactions First Comment
Member
in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

This post is just a vent to others here who know where I'm coming from. The people in my Alzheimer's support group are great and they totally get it too.

My wife is 65 years old and about four years into this insanity that is Alzheimer's. She's been my best friend, wife, lover, mother of our children, grandmother now. But now? She's just a shell of her former self. No longer the confident, strong midwestern gal I married, but someone who thinks what she's feeling is "stupid" and that family and others don't want to see her. Completely untrue and proven by those women (for example) from our church that are scheduling time to be with her. Truly a Godsend. And our kids are doing what they can also. But I'm with her 24/7 and there are days like today where my compassion tank is nearly empty. She cries every day, but most of the time it's momentary and I can comfort her out of it. But today it's been off and on all day long. I know that I have to live in her world, I can't "logic" her back into reality. But some days that's harder than others and today is one of them. I made a promise over 38 years ago when we married and just because the times are bad right now I'm not giving up on her. It wouldn't be so bad, but of all the people she might forget, it's me that she doesn't remember well. I'm just the live-in caregiver. I do literally everything for us both. She follows me around because she doesn't want to be alone. She went from stoic midwest to daily emotional meltdowns. And now her short-term memory is getting worse. Our granddaughter (4 yrs old) that lives nearby is precious to her. She doesn't remember seeing her last week. I've been seeing signs of this, but it's getting worse.

My mother is 96 and is in a MC unit. She could pass any time. My best friend's mother was in her 90's with dementia and she died this morning. I feel like all I'm doing is caring for this woman who will die sooner than later. Waiting for death. That's what it feels like. And at 68 and excellent health I have this completely self-centered thought that I'm wasting the best years of my life. Retired and debt-free. I should be enjoying life with my best friend instead of waiting for her to die so I can get on with my life. It just sucks.

F**K ALZHEIMER'S!!!

Comments

  • Jeff H
    Jeff H Member Posts: 167
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    Member

    You are not alone. My situation is very similar. My DW is 66 and was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about 6 months ago. We've been married for 25 years. I am 67 and in excellent health. We too are debt free. We had it all planned. We wanted to travel and enjoy our retirement. It then came crashing to a halt with her diagnosis. Now, I have to struggle to ensure our retirement funds which are currently locked into IRA's and CD's for another 4 years don't get depleted when 24/7 care will be required. I don't know if my DW will last another 4 years because she seems to be getting worse by the day. If I leave to get groceries, I get three to four phone calls within the half hour I am gone. I took away the car key fobs so she can't leave and drive. She hasn't even asked to, it's just precautionary. Today I had to hide her medications because she was going to take her daily meds twice! My DW doesn't cry, she was getting physically aggressive and argumentative towards me. She was prescribed Rexulti for the aggression and agitation. Since being on Rexulti, thankfully that disappeared. Rexulti does have a sedation effect, so I time it for her regular bedtime. I then get a few badly needed hours of peace to myself.

    I too agree…F**K ALZHEIMER'S!!!

    Again, you are not alone. We are all in this together. Come here anytime to vent.

  • Biggles
    Biggles Member Posts: 757
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    oh how I agree in my case F**K DEMENTIA. Today I feel I'm being dragged down by my DH. My beautiful kind sweet adventurous husband of 56 years. It's crap

  • Biggles
    Biggles Member Posts: 757
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  • Chance Rider
    Chance Rider Member Posts: 280
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/264291#Comment_264291

    “This disease has changed everything and none of it is good. It goes on and on and I feel like by time it is over I won't have enough life left in me to enjoy.”

    I just turned 73 last Tuesday and this is exactly how I feel.

    # F**k Alzheimer’s
  • Jeff H
    Jeff H Member Posts: 167
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    Member

    Someday, God willing, they will find a way to end this terrible disease.

  • SpokaneTom
    SpokaneTom Member Posts: 11
    25 Care Reactions First Comment
    Member

    Thanks for the comments. Misery truly does love company, doesn't it?

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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