My Girlfriend

jethack

My wife has undiagnosed dementia that we have been dealing with for about a year now. Her next appointment is with a neuropsychologist in April, (if I can get her to go).
Most of her symptoms now are hallucinations. Her memory is pretty much intact.
The hallucinations she is dealing with the most recently are girlfriends that always seem to be around me. She tells me to get rid of the girlfriend. I don’t know what to say to her other than try to convince her that there is no girlfriend. It seems that no matter what I say it is if no help. Does anybody have any suggestions as to what might help?

BPS

My wife had delusions about me having girlfriends, but she never thought they were there at that moment. It was hard to deal with because even though it is recommended to go along with their reality I couldn't do it over this issue. It just seemed like it would just make it worse if tried apologize for that. I don't know what others have done, but for me I could not tell her there were no girlfriends because she "knew" there was. I gave up on trying to explain anything and just said I had to go get something from the garage or the basement and I would stay away for a little while and when I came back she didn't mention it again until another day.

jgreen

Hi @jethack

Welcome. Sorry you have to be here, but glad you found us.

I hope you can get her to see the neuropsych. I recommend you not tell her until time to go, and then say you are going to the doctor for a check up. I am going to attach a tool from Tam Cummings so you can see the different stages. I highly recommend you document the behaviors you observe and review these with the neuropsych. Thinking you have ‘girlfriends’ is in stage 5.

Dementia Behavioral Assessment.pdf

I saw a video by Teepa Snow a while back. She talked about doing a home visit where the wife thought there were girls in the garage. When she looked in the garage with the husband, Teepa noticed she could see her reflection in the windshield. Teepa advised the husband to block the windshield and windows so the wife would not see her reflection and think it was a ‘girl’. She also said to find a film for windows and covers for mirrors in the house to cut down on the reflections. It is something to consider.

I hope we see you back here often. This is a wonderful group and I have learned so very much from each and every one of them.

Take care.

Carl46

My wife had hallucinations and was helped by antipsychotic medications. Telling her the things she "saw" weren't there was of no benefit, because they were as real to her as daylight. In your place, I would tell her primary care physician about her symptoms and ask for a prescription.

SDianeL

never argue with someone with dementia. You can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. I would fib to her. Tell her you sent them away and they are not coming back. Tell her you love her. Say you’re sorry if you have to. The tips on preventing reflections in windows and mirrors is a good one. Also ditto on getting medication for her. Risperidone helped my DH with his hallucinations. The best type of doctor to manage meds for dementia is a Geriatric Psychiatrist. Get a referral to one if you can. To get her to the NeuroPsyche appt don’t tell her ahead of time. Tell her that morning. Go with her. Promise something after the testing like ice cream or lunch. Tell her that her doctor wants her tested. Don’t tell her what for. Maybe tell her that her insurance requires it.