Trying to understand…

JC5

I know DH brain is deteriorating VD is taking it away. His short term memory is declining He is able to do many things - ADL’s are pretty good. This winter has been cold! He is cold I layer him up. At night blinds drapes drawn. The issue is I like to open the drapes in the morning and he doesn’t! Says it’s cold. The house is dark and needs sunlight! I ask please open them it will make me happy. Next day everything is dark and same excuse. It’s cold! He’s always been self centered so this is not new. I can’t stand having that “conversation “ every morning and the anger!! Suggestions? I need to see the light! ☀️

jgreen

Hi @JC5

My DH is cold natured too. I also layer him up. One thought about the dark is maybe the light hurts his eyes. Dementia patients start loosing peripheral vision, and the brightness could affect their ability to focus and see.

I believe there are ‘sun lamps’ that people in the colder climates use to help with ‘seasonal affective disorder’, so maybe this type of light would be good for your psyche?

A couple things have worked for me - using a stocking cap so DH can pull it down if light too bright. Got a small space heater to keep by him when he is up in a chair. And I also pull this chair with the back against the window and tell him the sunshine will help warm him up. I make a big deal about how warm it feels. So far, it’s working for us.

Hugs! 💝

H1235

It’s probably not healthy to have the drapes drawn all the time. Our bodies need sunlight and we definitely need it mentally. Could you run with this idea and tell him the doctor has said he needs sunlight and should open the drapes as often as possible. Could you take the drapes down to “clean” and just not put them back up? That might not work if you want them closed in the evenings. Could you leave them open in one part of the house and closed in another for him. Then arrange things so you can spend your time in the sunlit rooms (move a desk into the dining room, fold clothes at the dining room table, maybe even move a small tv into that room)? I hope you can find a solution.

JC5

Thanks everyone you always are here for me! I’m having a hard time accepting what is not anymore. Still hoping . Going to just suck yet another one up keep quiet and open those drapes!

Chance Rider

My husband often doesn’t notice things I’ve changed unless I mention them to him. If I waited until he’s in the bathroom and open the drapes he wouldn’t notice.

I had asked him to clear off his computer desktop, he resisted and got annoyed. I waited until he was at lunch with a neighbor, cleared it myself, and never heard a word from him.

Jeff H

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/265014#Comment_265014

My DW is the same. I don't tell her to do anything anymore to avoid any pushback. I just let her do her thing if safe. Her phase now is to move things in little piles all over the house. I let her do it and then when she's not looking or after a short period I put all the stuff back where it goes. My DW doesn't notice. Such a strange and awful disease.

JC5

side note here… 7:30 DH went to bed early, amazing how my body mind and soul has relaxed Peace at least for now !

RetiredTeacher

JC5, I do understand your last comment. My husband is out a few minutes after his head hits the pillow and my stress level immediately plummets. I enjoy the time when he doesn't need my help, I don't have to monitor or supervise and I stop doing work. I could get a lot done later in the evening when he is asleep but my body, mind and soul enjoy the break. Hugs to all those traveling this road.

Jeff H

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/265026#Comment_265026

I hear you! You are not alone! I'm the same way. If my DW goes to bed early, I'm at peace for a few hours to enjoy my quiet time.

Jeff H

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/265035#Comment_265035

I think we are all in this same boat together. Our stress levels go way down after our LO goes to sleep.

tonyac2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/265038#Comment_265038

I have some PTSD from when my DH would only sleep an hour or two, then start yelling for me. He sleeps in a hospital bed in the living room, and I sleep down the hall in our bedroom. I almost went crazy during that time. He’d also yell in 10/15 minute increments. He sleeps much better now, but my body and mind are trained to listen for the yelling. I pray I can get some peace and let the past go so I can enjoy evenings.