Altzheimer

Geot

My DW(85) has recently been diagnosed with this terrible disease…she is still able to function fairly well. My daily routine is looking for articles she has misplaced but the most frustrating thing to deal with is the delusions. It is very difficult for me to respond to things like "when are the other people coming for dinner" when no one is coming, "have you seen my Mother this AM" when her Mother has been dead for years, and many other delusions. I have no idea how to answer these things. Has anyone else figured out to respond to these things without adding to even more confusion?

annie51

I found this very difficult with my DH. You have to be able to think fast and that’s not in my nature. For the dinner question, you could say “oh they had to cancel, we’ll have to set up another time” or “they’ll come in a few days”. For the mother question, you could simply say “no, I haven’t seen her” or “she’s away visiting her sister” or something like that. If it works and if her short term memory is gone, you can use the same answer repeatedly so you don’t have to think of another one. The key is to not to contradict what she’s asking - don’t say “no one is coming for dinner” or “your mother is dead” - you need to live in her reality and find an answer that keeps her calm. It’s exhausting but it does get easier - sadly, the little “fiblets” are a necessary part of caregiving for a person with dementia.

SiberianIris

One of my favorite dementia care experts, Rachel Wonderlin, trademarked the phrase "Embrace their reality" for how to handle delusions. She even made a short 5 minute movie to demonstrate it in action. I linked it below.

In essence, you answer their questions with something believable to the person with dementia. It's also important that whatever answer you give is something that provides comfort.

They may not remember what you said, but they WILL remember how it made them feel. A comforting answer usually generates fewer repeat questions than an upsetting answer.

https://dementiabyday.com/the-movie/#resources

BarnesL

What you answer is not important. Answer anything. They won't remember and will ask the same question again in 10 minutes. Been dealing this with my DW for 5 years now. Don't argue, just agree and life will be much simpler for you.

White Crane

Dear Geot, what others have said is true. We have to "Live in their world." Try to not argue, correct, or try to reason with her. Her "reasoner" is broken and it will only lead to frustration. It's hard I know but it will help you cope and it will help her too.

Geot

I cannot thank all of you enough for the advice…I will certainly put it to use.

Victoriaredux

Slow start ,Long video, but gives some good approaches

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=af9OSypTftA

tboard

I make stuff up. Have you seen dad today? (Dad has been dead for 50 years) I say, "yes I saw him early this morning. He was headed out and said he would be back later. " This usually calms my DH down and he forgets about it later. Today he was telling me about all of the people he lives with. It is just the two of us no other people. I listen to what he has to say and comment when appropriate. There is never any reason to argue with someone who has dementia. Doing so is arguing with a disease and it doesn't help anyone.

Geot

A lot of your suggestions has worked very well and I appreciate all of them. The disease came on my DW very fast and most certainly extremely difficult to deal with…as it is for all I'm sure. I am so glad I found this venue.

SiberianIris

As we often say on this discussion board, "Dementia sucks!" A crude phrase, I know, but there's no two ways about it.

Another resource you might like, that's been very helpful and uplifting for me, is the podcast "Surviving Alzheimers". It was started by Ken Cardita, whose wife has Alzheimer's. There aren't many episodes, but each one is pure gold. I always feel better after listening. His website is

https://survalz.com/

Geot

I will certainly take a look at that…many thanks

Geot

Valentines' day was certainly not a good day for my DW…. after waking late morning, she was asking me where her husband was and addressed me as her father. This continued for the entire day so I just tried to assure her she was Ok and I was sure her husband would return later. This morning, she did recognize me and immediately ask me where is her Father and did he leave already. I'm Just venting again!!

annie51

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/266150#Comment_266150

Sounds like you handled that well, although I know it’s tearing you up inside. Hang in there! Sending a hug.

Geot

My DW has been prescribed Memantine and she has been taken this for about seven days….she is also taking Seroquel. Since taking this it seems to me her delusions have got worse. Has anyone else you are caring for had any results like this. Thanks for listening.

Geot

Another day starting off with my DW calling me Dad and still wondering where her husband went. I am still going along with her delusions, but I must confess it is not easy for me. Thank God I have this place to express my feelings and get things off my chest.

Michele P

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75269/altzheimer

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75269/altzheimer

You have gotten excellent advice here. A few suggestions to help with the misplaced of objects: put TILE gps trackers on wallets, purse, keys, phone. The Tiles track the person and objects. Lock away anything of value including expensive jewelry. She will move items, hide them, throw them out in the trash. Hide a spare set of keys in a safe and put a TILE on it. Remove any credit cards and other important documents from her wallet. Read The 36 Hour Day. It will help you plan for what is coming. Please, get a plan b in place in the event you can no longer care for her. Tour memory care facilities and get her on a wait list. It can take over a year to get into a facility if not on a waitlist. Call your local Council on Aging and ask what services are available. Find a good in home care agency for when the time comes. Make an appointment with an Elder Law Attorney to get you legal documents in order. Do this immediately if you have not done so while your wife can still sign documents. Get HIPPA forms signed so you have access to your wife’s doctors and medical records.