Sleep Disturbances After I Visit

yogiprincess

Hello everyone - I'm new here…as many of you, I am dealing with countless challenges…one of them is that I feel like my Mother gets more anxious after I visit her. The days I dont visit, she sleeps relatively well. But the days when I visit she wakes up several times a night and calls me asking where I am…and tells me how worried she is about me. Has anyone experience this? How do you manage it? I only visit 2-3 times per week, and I know she feels very happy to see me, but makes me sad when I see her get so anxious after I leave.

H1235

welcome. Could you be over sharing. My brother tells mom everything that is happening in his life. She then spends my visit with her telling me about my poor brother and all his troubles. I would keep all conversations with her very positive and up beat. Even if it’s something you see as a very minor problem, she might blow it all out of proportion. It’s hard to get used to thinking through everything you say before speaking. Maybe it would be better if you just visited once a week to see if that helps. It might also be time to adjust or add some anxiety medication. Anxiety and depression are pretty common with dementia and with the right medicine and dose (it might take a while to figure out) it can make a big difference.

Quilting brings calm

It could be that she’s just not up to making conversation and dealing with someone in her space right now. ‘Showtiming’ takes a lot of energy I would suggest that you limit your visits to once a week for a while. Now- that’s only possible if your mother is somewhere with proper supervision between your visits

SDianeL

welcome. Sorry about your Mom. Her anxiety is causing her not to sleep and to call you. I would ask the doctor for medication to calm her anxiety. Many caregivers “lose the phone” or disable it due to frequent calls from their LO. The facility will call if there is an emergency. Or you could let the calls after bedtime go to voice mail and call her once a day. As the disease progresses she will forget how to use the phone. Another tip is when you visit your Mom, visit at meal time and when you leave don’t say goodbye, just slip out and let the caregiver know you’re leaving so they can distract her with a treat. Saying goodbye could be causing her anxiety.

SiberianIris

Welcome! You don't mention where your mom lives - is she at home or in a facility?

Right before my mom moved to MC, she was having similar problems with the phone after my visits. It was like she thought I was two different people. Even though she knew who I was when I visited, she would call me right after the visit and ask why I hadn't been to see her. She would also call multiple times in a row saying she hadn't heard from me in awhile, having already forgotten we had just spoken less than 5 minutes ago.

She's now been in MC 6 months, and after a typical adjustment period, is doing very well. When she moved to MC, we did not bring her phone. She asked about the phone only 1 time, and that was early on. For her, the phone has been 'out of site - out of mind'. For me, it's been a huge relief.

When I visit her in MC, I only stay an hour or two, because I don't want to disrupt her routine. I generally time me departure with the start of a meal or an activity she particularly likes. That way her attention is directed towards the new activity rather than my departure.

yogiprincess

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/265237#Comment_265237

Thank you for sharing. What you said resonates a lot. She lives in an ALF (not MC), but she has private caregivers during the day that help distract her when I leave during the day. But reading your comments is making me think that maybe "my departures" could be causing this…specially when I leave during her bedtime :-( . Because when she calls me in the middle of the night…many times she is asking where I am and why I'm not there…Its all very heartbreaking…but I am definitely going to think about how to change the hours when I visit so that she can get distracted when I leave.

Thanks a lot, this experience is very lonely…but it helps to know how others are managing.