Worry about roommate

H1235

Mom is in a nursing home. She is probably stage 4 vascular dementia. Her memory isn’t too bad and she remembers family, but her logic and reasoning are not good and anosognosia is so bad. Her current roommate is very nice. She has health issues, but not dementia. They get along well and it has been good for mom. Her roommate had to be taken to the hospital yesterday and mom is very worried about her. Of course staff can’t give out medical information, so mom has no way of knowing what is happening. The facility does have some residents (probably with dementia) with erratic behaviors and hallucinations. Mom doesn’t understand why “someone would act like that” and is uncomfortable around them. So she is also afraid of who she might get for a roommate if she doesn’t come back. It’s kind of strange, because she shows me no empathy. I twisted my ankle on one of her moves and she laughed and thought it was funny. I never tell her any of my troubles. I don’t want to experience a lack of sympathy and I don’t want her to worry too much. Im not to a point that I feel like I need to talk with her doctor about increasing anxiety medication yet. I was just wondering if anyone else has had their lo emotional and upset about the health of a roommate.

ARIL

You are so helpful to other people on this forum that I thought I would pull this to the top of the list to see if someone else has help for you!

My dad had a suitemate briefly at a former facility (separate bedrooms, shared bath), and he often was worried about “that guy,” whom he liked a lot. I would say that the suitemate was getting good care, his family was looking out for him, etc., but this did not help much. He said, “You don’t know that”—which was true!

Now in MC, what is more common is for him to worry about family members who have been long dead: “Do you think I should send Mother some money?” That sort of thing.

The one person that my dad befriended at the MC was recently moved to a different MCF. My dad does miss him but cannot explain that. I can tell a difference in that he no longer attends group activities and prefers to stay in his room. I know this may also be disease progression, but the change was abrupt. I think it helped him to have a friend. Nothing I can do about that, though.

JulietteBee

I am so sympathetic to your distress and I can totally understand

As you know, I live with a life threatening, genetic disorder that could end my life at any time. I already defied the statistics that had me not surviving to turn 20.

My mom lives in an ILF. I have many bedbbund days. In speaking with my DM, I may tell her that "Today is not a good day for me." Some times when my DH is sick, she will call to ask ME how he is feeling. I am left smh, like, seriously, whose mom are you...🤣

She rarely asks of my wellbeing, yet she shows great concern for her neighbors. She either may not have seen them in the dining room for a few days or she has heard of someone who fell or lost a family member. She retains a great amount of empathy. Sadly, I am no longer the primary recipient of her empathy.

In my case, I believe it is too painful for her to retain in her mind, my reality, as she now fully knows hers.