Newbie

Roberson

My wife has not been professionally diagnosed with dementia of any kind, however, myself and family has seen her serious short term memory loss, paranoia, out bursts of anger, dreams becoming reality and judgement issues, like refusing to take her depression and blood pressure meds. We have tried talking to her about getting professional help, but she refuses to talk with our doctor to seek treatment. She insists that she is handling memory problems by self medication from online “brain pills”. How do we get her to realize she needs professional help?

H1235

Welcome. Unfortunately you will probably never get her to realize there is a problem. Most with dementia have anosognosia. This is the inability to recognize their symptoms or limitations. I would stop trying to convince her, it will only upset her. I would suggest you make an appointment with her doctor and bring in a note before the appointment explaining in detail all the symptoms you are seeing and concerns you have. I would also tell the doctor about any over the counter “brain medication she is taking. Tell her the doctors office called and they want her to come in for an appointment to check her ——-(blood pressure, blood sugar, heart, whatever works). There are some treatable reasons for dementia type symptoms, so it’s important for the doctor to rule them out. There is not much that can be done for the dementia itself, but if she is depressed or suffering for anxiety (both very common with dementia) there is medication that can help. You may have to find another workaround to get her to take the medication. My mom was pretty grumpy and didn’t want to take medication for her so called mood problems. I told her it was for her blood pressure and that worked. I know lies (therapeutic fib)seem wrong, but if it gets her the help she needs, in my opinion it’s worth it. As capable as she may seem in some ways, decisions need to be made for her not with her. If legal matters have not been addressed I would make an appointment with a lawyer right a way. A DPOA is very important. My recommendation is to approach this in much the same way. Tell her you are both get older and it’s a good idea to make sure all your legal paperwork is in order. Don’t tell her it because of her memory issues! I’m glad you found our group. I will attach a few resources that might be helpful.

DBAT.pdf

Anosognosia and Dementia - AgingCare.com.pdf

understanding-the-dementia-experience.pdf

trottingalong

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75298/newbie

@H1235 said it perfectly. You learn that fibs are acceptable when working with a broken brain. Anything to keep the person calm and less agitated. Also apologizing for something you didn’t do, but they think you did. My husbands anti depressants have helped some. It’s a roller coaster ride and such an adjustment for those of us living with the person.

BPS

Early in my wife's disease I printed out the SAGE (Self Administered Gerocognitive Examination) test I found online and when there was another couple over that knew she was having problems I recommended we all take this online test just as little game. I saved the results and I took it to her next doctor appointment. I didn't know if he would be interested in seeing it and when I showed him I don't think he knew anything about it but he did look at it and that was when he started taking her condition seriously.

Timmyd

I literally spent 2 years trying to convince DW to see a doctor about her memory problems. I remember I ended up trying to always have the discussions in a public place because she was much less prone to responding with some outburst or meltdown in public. Then one day, I again approached the subject and she calmly agreed to see her PCP about memory problems. That was almost 5 years ago. What I saw was DW convincing herself it was not a big deal, normal aging. Everyone was making too much of the situation. Then I guess one day it all sunk in and she became a compliant patient.