First time posting

sbf

My husband (74) was diagnosed with MCI due to AD and Vascular Cognitive Impairment about a year and a half ago. He also exhibits signs of anosognosia. His perception of his actions are not the reality but he doesn’t see that. He’s had 2 car accidents in 2 years- totaled 2 cars. Based on his neurologist’s recommendation, he underwent a comprehensive driver assessment- 2 hours of testing including cognitive, vision, etc, as well as an actual driving component. Recommendation of the tester is the he should not be driving - something my kids and I agree with. He adamantly disagree with the tester, refused to sign the paper work and walked out of the office. Wants to repeat the testing and wants another doctor- which won’t reveal different results and his doctor is good with him. I’m at a loss as to how to deal with this as he’s so angry and thinks I arranged it on purpose. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks everyone .

Jeff H

Welcome. Post away. We are all here for you. I would suggest you hide all of the car keys or fobs. I had to do that for my DW when she said she was leaving. Luckily, she hasn't tried to drive or ask about the key fobs. Why didn't your DH neurologist order that he should not be driving?

H1235

I would make his car disappear and hide the keys to your car. Hope and pray that out of sight out of mind eventually works in your favor (it probably won’t, but it might be worth a try). Do whatever it takes to keep him off the road! If he does drive you could be sued and loose everything. More importantly he could kill somebody or himself. I imagine he will be very angry. If the anger gets bad talk with his doctor about medication. Honestly don’t wait, I would talk with his doctor right away about medication. Tell him it’s for high blood pressure. If the anger gets too out of control call 911. Anosognosia is awful!!!

sbf

the car was totaled in the accident last week, so it’s not here. He typically won’t drive my car so that’s a plus- for now, at least. He's already on meds for anxiety. He’s mostly just mad at me right now because he thinks I set this whole thing up even tho the doctor did it and he 100% agreed to it. He won’t talk about it yet. We will see how he is tomorrow.

Jeff H

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/265459#Comment_265459

You should hide your car keys.

Quilting brings calm

Unfortunately there is no ‘typical’ with this disease. My mother was in the back seat of our truck. she opened the door while we were at highway speed because she wanted to take the dog for a walk. We managed to get the truck stopped in time before she went further.
Just because your spouse doesn’t ‘typically’ drive your car doesn’t mean he won’t try to now. Hide the car keys and do not replace his car.
I know you are between a rock and a hard place. I know sone people are almost impossible to get to stop driving. We are all so sorry you have to deal with this.

Call me Gram

Oh, sbf, my heart goes out to you.

Some states require the doctor to contact the DMV, and others don't. Maybe you could anonymously contact the DMV? Maybe they would take his license? I imagine there's no doubt he would be angry, but it could save his life or the life of someone else.

I hope this works out smoothly and quickly for you. 💕

Victoriaredux

Don't bring up driving or the car with him. Settle the insurance out of his hearing. The less he thinks or talks about that topic the less he will obsess.

Always lock your car and hide the keys , even if in your garage. It just takes a minute for something bad to happen. If you leave him in the car to hop out for a minute to get the mail ,dry cleaning etc- turn the car off and take the keys- unless he is in the backseat with kid locks on & it is weather safe. You aren't dealing with a rational brain and you can't tell when they will just see a chance to go "out for a spin."

JulietteBee

You can get a msg to the doctor who ordered his test. Ask them if they would be willing to notify the DMV for you. The DMV will revoke his license after being notified. .

MN Chickadee

You will have to find the right therapeutic fibs. It's the only way with anosognosia, explaining and reasoning won't work and will only make him distrust you. He likely doesn't remember the other car accidents and will think you are gaslighting him. It's good the car is away now. You might try saying you will work on getting his new driving test when the car is done being fixed (and of course it is not being fixed.) The mechanic is out sick, now he is backed up, there is a wait on parts, all the trade/tariff stuff has things delayed, there is a delay in the insurance adjuster looking at it, there is a delay int he insurance payment, delay delay. Rinse and repeat. Same with finding a new doctor that will support him driving. You will work on that when he is due to go in again, you have a request in but nobody responded yet, you will see what you can do. Then distract. Hopefully he will start to forget about it soon. Hide your keys no matter how angry it makes him. If he drives and hurts someone and he has the dementia diagnosis on his medical records he could suffer immense financial loss or criminal penalties. If your husband becomes more angry or combative speak to his doctor about tinkering with meds. It can take some trial and error to find the right med and the right dose, don't be afraid to advocate more on that to improve quality of life for both of you. And sometimes you just have to let them be angry, if they aren't hurting anyone just being grumpy. My mother went through that phase. Angry about a lot, and took it all out on my father (the main caregiver.) Threatened to divorce him after 40+ years of marriage which was 100% out of character for her. It's the disease talking and out of anyone's control. It was a hard time but it did pass and she settled down. You may just have to be the bad guy for a while. I'm sorry, it's a rotten job.