Just venting

Geot

Yesterday was not a good day for my DW….It was a total delusional day. she thought there was people in the house, her dead sister, father, mother and our sons who live in another state. when no one has been here. She has been started on a new medication which seems to have very little effect, but it is early. She got up this morning asking if her sister has left yet…of course she wasn't here….hope the rest of the day gets better.

tonyac2

Hello @Geot

This is a great place for just venting. Everyone gets it as there are commonalities with our LO behavior.
My DH does the same thing, talks about deceased people as if they were alive. I find it works best for him if I just go with it. “I haven’t seen your dad today”, “You miss your dad, tell me about him” etc.

When I didn’t know any better, once I said “your mother died years ago.” My poor husband cried like it was news to him. It’s fascinating and sad at the same time how older memories last longer than more recent memories. I hate this disease. Hope today is a better day for you.

tboard

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75317/just-venting

My DH has "people" and a "crew". he often talks to them and has lengthy conversations with them. I always assumed talking to people who are not there is a symptom of dementia. He occasionally asks where is dad is. His dad died in 1972. My father who had dementia often asked me if I had seen "dad". I used to tell him that I saw him early in the morning but that he went into town and would be back later. I think with or without medication people with dementia have hallucinations. We need to lmeet them where they are and accept the hallucinations.

Geot

I have accepted the hallucinations but sometimes it leaves me speechless…trying to come up with an answer…very frustrating to say the least as I'm sure it is for all of us…I'm doing my best.

SiberianIris

Being with someone who has dementia is like being an actor in a 24/7 improv production you never auditioned for. One bright spot is that the "scenes" frequently repeat, so you can reuse the same lines. The trick is keeping it upbeat and not let irritation come through your voice or facial expressions. (Yes, it is exhausting.)

Geot

SiberianIris..,you are exactly right but sometimes it is very difficult to hold back on your emotions. Sometimes I just feel like screaming out "for Gods sake stop asking me what day it is for 30th time" but I course I don't.

Jeff H

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/265648#Comment_265648

On point!

persevere

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/265648#Comment_265648

Too funny. 😄

Dan520

I sometimes tell people that having a conversation with my wife feels like Abbott and Costello.

Who's on first. I don't know.....

howhale

Meet them where they are is so true. They cannot come to us so we have to go to them. Sometimes, maybe most times, don't look for an "answer" that you will never find to satisfy their world. Just listening, acknowledging what they say with an "I see", "Oh yes", "Hmmm", etc., etc. maybe be all you can do. I tried, before I found this site, to explain, rationalize, answer, correct, prove, etc. and made our life together very difficult. Often the simplest response is the best one especially because they may have forgotten the question before we come up with a "good" answer.

Geot

Often times I will not try to answer a delusional question but just start talking about something different to shift her thought in another direction and most times she has already forgot what she ask me.

Bailey's Mom

I used to try to explain that we are the only people who live in the house…now I just say that the other people aren’t here right now, or that they aren’t coming for dinner tonight, etc. it’s another step down for sure. The good thing is that HWD blames them for almost everything…I used to take the blame for it all!