DW's wallet and losing her purse

Jeff H

Two times now my DW has misplaced her purse. After the first time I placed an Apple fob in her purse to locate it. She has credit cards, a debit card, her driver's license (but she doesn't drive anymore), her Medicare cards, and a checkbook. She is used to carrying her purse with her everywhere. Has anyone had any experience with substituting fake credit cards or old expired cards? She needs to have her license and Medicare cards in there for appointments. The credit, debit and checkbook she doesn't use anymore. I want to remove them without her noticing. Is there a strategy for that?

sandwichone123

I took all the "real" stuff out of dh's wallet and substituted a couple of old or fake cards. He never noticed, but I didn't have to worry about him losing his ID or trying to talk him into showing it when needed. You might find a calendar about the size of the checkbook and use that.

Goodlife2025

My DW lost her wallet last year so I can understand the stress. I had done what so many suggest here. While she was sleeping I went through her wallet took out anything she really wasn't using. Medical insurance I keep her current one in my wallet and she has an expired one. No credit cards only a prepaid credit card with a small balance. (last year when she lost it we lost $300 when her wallet was picked up by someone) now I keep the available balance at less than $50.00. I put in a couple of notes from me telling her I love her. A picture of the grand kids in her wallet. She also usually has $10 - $20 cash. She does have a license (that we had to replace) in her wallet although she too hasn't driven in over a year.

Having said all that I would add one more comment. After I took most of the things out of her wallet it was noticeably loose in holding items having been stretch out. So I ended up buying her a new one as a "gift" and helping her transfer her wallet over. She was happy with her gift and she has never noticed any item I took out of her wallet. Also, we are now at the point where she often doesn't remember to take her wallet with her anymore. I think it is getting close to me "holding" on to it for her going forward.

wose

I nabbed my DH debit card. He hasn’t mentioned it about 6 months, He has his Drivers license with holes punched iin. Doesn’t notice that either. Since we got our credit card the other day, I activated it but left the old one in his wallet. He’s very paranoid. He almost ( almost being the operative word) never leaves his phone and wallet unattended. He actually slept with them under his pillow 🙂. His wedding ring has been missing for quite awhile, but I found his college ring. I would put a fake checkbook in her purse or maybe the checkbook but no checks. You probably have to hold her Medicare cards yourself. Highmark sent duplicate cards so that worked well. It’s all so exhausting and sad.

Michele P

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75373/dw-039-s-wallet-and-losing-her-purse

What you described is common behavior. I have TILE gps trackers on everything. They track the items and person. Others on this site have locked up a set of spare keys along other items that are important in a portable safe. I would put a TILE tracker on this as well incase she finds it and moves it. Lock up any valuable jewelry. They move and throw out items in the trash and are unaware of doing this.

harshedbuzz

@Jeff H

We cleaned dad's wallet of any important IDs and cards. I made a copy of his license and laminated it which I'm told is illegal in some places and put some expired cards in the wallet to fatten it up along with a wad of one-dollar bills.

I made copies of everything and mom carried the needed photo ID and medical cards in her wallet.

HB

Victoriaredux

"She needs to have her license and Medicare cards in there for appointments." Can you carry them for her? Assume anything near her can be gone in a flash and she won't be able to tell you where.

A PWD of mine handed their wallet to a total teen stranger on the street and said " Take this , it gives me a headache" Luckily the kid just took a credit card and handed the rest back.

Bill_2001

On the practical side, my dear wife with dementia is always with me or the daycare center, so there is no need for her to carry any cards or cash. She is past the stage where she would notice, but earlier on, I simply removed important cards from her wallet and carried her cards with mine. She still carries her purse when we go out, but it only contains her personal care products. She no longer notices what is in it, but carrying the purse itself is muscle memory for her.

Assume your loved one with dementia will misplace, lose, or give away anything they carry, and plan accordingly.

As a backup, I take photos of both sides of all of our cards and keep them in folders on my phone. The same is true for all Durable Power of Attorney documents, so I have a copy of them with me at all times. Organize them and keep them up to date. This has been unbelievably handy; I have emailed them to officials and medical staff as attachments from my email app on my phone at a moment's notice.

Blessings,

Bill_2001