Wondering what to do

Karl38

We are about 8 years into this ALZ nightmare. Big changes are not starting. She has started sundowning which I try to mitigate with walks outside around 4 PM each day. This seems to help. She is refusing to shower and change clothes. She has worn the same clothes day and night for 2 weeks now. She complains about my cooking and is not finishing her dinners. Now she is refusing to take her pills. So far I have not tried to fight with her on these issues because I don't think that would help. In the mornings she is a different person. Seems almost normal except she doesn't know how to do anything. She changes in the afternoon. I think it's too soon for placement as she would never understand what is happening. She still thinks there is nothing wrong with her. This new lifestyle is not healthy for her so I think I should do something but I'm not sure what.

SDianeL

Not showering is common in PWD. I would try the showering in the morning right after breakfast. Tell her it’s “our shower day” and get everything ready. Have you read the book “The 36 Hour Day”? It helped me after my husbands diagnosis. Some have used the term “spa day” and included manicures. Perhaps a female caregiver could help? If you do that fib and tell her the person is to help you with light housekeeping. Ask the doctor if you can crush her meds and put them in applesauce or pudding. Some you can’t crush. So be sure to ask the doctor or pharmacist. Try finger foods and bright colored plates. Cut up her food for her. She may be forgetting how to eat. Plus their taste changes. Many prefer sweets.

trottingalong

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75379/wondering-what-to-do

can you get her to bathe and change clothes in the morning? I have had to use those sudsy cloths you can buy to wash my husband. Today I got him in the tub. Mid day

Goodlife2025

I too and finding better success trying to get my DW to bath in the mornings. Right after breakfast seems to be the "sweet" time for now.

Jeff H

"In the mornings she is a different person. Seems almost normal except she doesn't know how to do anything."

I have seen this also. I feel for you. I truly do. My DW is now on Rexulti and Xanax and it has been working pretty good so far. It's such an awful unpredictable disease!

Carl46

Karl, all I can tell you is what worked for me. My wife didn't shower for the last two years of her life. I kept her from stinking by playing on her lifelong desire to be neat. When she needed a cleanup, I told her that her clothes had spots on them and offered to help her find a clean outfit. While she was undressed, I washed her stinky parts with rinse-free cleanser I got from a home health place. I took her to the hairdresser every six weeks or so to get her hair washed and cut, and washed it with her bent over the tub if needed between visits.

LIke your wife, mine became very picky about her food. I gave her the grilled chicken breast she liked, cut it up for her, and kept the knife so she didn't cut her mouth using it for a spoon. She didn't eat much, but she wasn't very active, so she probably didn't need a lot.

I don't know that anyone likes being in memory care. My wife at first thought she had done something wrong and was being punished, and I assured her daily that she was there because I needed help in her care.

Your wife thinking nothing is wrong with her is normal and may be a blessing for her. My poor wife knew she was "losing her marbles" and was afraid she was going to die, and all I could do was promise to be with her whatever happened. It broke my heart.