Now a Chef
Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I would be 100% responsible for planning the meals. My DW of 65 years can no longer remember how to so here I am saying my God what do I put together now. I can fix simple stuff but just can't eat the same thing over and over. I take her out to eat often but just can't do that every day either. What a dilemma I find myself in. Anyone have any suggestions??
Comments
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Hi, @Geot
I am the cook in the family - have been for years! My husband would be in the same boat as you if our roles were reversed. I sent you a review of 9 services that send prepared meals to your home. Our neighbors tried one a few years back and when they went on vacation had us retrieve the package of 4 meals for the week. They weren’t bad, and most were combinations of items I would have in the pantry or fridge myself. It might cost the same as eating out, but would save gas so might end up being cheaper. You might check and see if there is a ‘trial’ offer so you don’t have to commit to a long term service.
Just a thought.
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There are chef created meals through companies such as Factor. You go on their website and select the meals you want. There is plenty of variety for all meals. You can add or delete items from the menus. The meals are sent to your home and ready to heat in the microwave or oven. There is nothing for you to prepare. It’s all done for you.
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My wife used to do all the cooking, but it became to difficult for her I started doing it. Our menu was limited, and I would pick up take out a couple times a week. After I retired to care for her full time and she was still able to do her ADL's I started trying new things and started to enjoy it because I couldn't leave her alone but still didn't have to do everything for her, so I had the time to try more things. It went that way for about a year and a half until while she was eating a dinner that I cooked she had a stroke (I think it was a coincidence that it happened at that time). After being in the hospital and rehab for over a month she moved to memory care. I joked with her about her having a stroke to get away from my cooking.
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This is the same problem I faced as young bride way back when. I knew how to cook spaghetti and meat sauce and that was it. I bought a Betty Crocker cookbook and before long i could cook just about anything. The book had lots of pictures and simple instructions. I know that today we have youtube with lots of cooking instructions, but I need something that isn't going to time out. Once you have put together 7 different meals, you can repeat them weekly. Keep the meals simple and the weekly menu simple. If you can master things like meatloaf and beef vegetable soup you can either serve the unused part on day two or freeze it for a meal the following week.
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I always did the cooking but found out as DH progressed that he not only couldn’t help anymore, he didn’t have much patience for me spending too much time in the kitchen cooking. So I had to find things that were easy and quick to prepare. I became a big fan of rotisserie chicken (Costco or Sam’s Club - only about $5). Once it’s deboned, I could get a few meals out of that and some sandwiches. Also quick and easy were the steam-in-bag vegetables, pre-cut carrots, the 90-second microwave rice, and prepared mashed potatoes. I wanted to try to eat as healthy as possible and found enough convenient foods that were still somewhat healthy. Might be a good discussion thread to share some easy to prepare recipes.
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Thank you all for the suggestions…..some I am already doing but also some great suggestions as well. God I hate this disease!!!
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Yes it hits you in so many ways you didn’t expect.
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there is a cookbook you can get called the two ingredient cookbook. You would be amazed at what you can make with two ingredients.
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When you cook, COOK!
Make extra pasta, rice. When you make a roast make a roast large enough for several meals and freeze some. Use your croc pot. Freeze part.
A good sandwich is a meal…grilled cheese and a salad is a meal. A salad is a meal. Cook. 6 pork chops…eat two and freeze 4.
Take a long look at the frozen vegetables at the market. Some you can just add some meat to make a balanced meal.
Meatlloaf is good for at least 4 meals and just steam up some broccoli and add a baked potatoe.
Buy some deli tuna and add a can of albacore. Buy chickenn salad and add chicken. Get a roasted chicken!
You are aiming for easy nutrition….do some grazing…stop with MEALS.
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Yes to rotisserie chicken, steam in bag veggies, 90-second microwave rice, microwave baked potatoes, canned corn, canned soups, bagged fresh salads, cereal or microwave grits and pre cooked sausage for breakfast, and once a week a pre seasoned chuck roast in the slow cooker. And of course all the sweets (chocolate bars, donuts, muffins, ice cream) cuz DH appetite is still good and his sweet taste bud is high speed right now.
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Keep an open mind and you might find that you enjoy cooking and meal planning.
I always remember this story about Julia Child. Her breakthrough book was "Mastering the Art of French Cooking." In an interview I heard she roasted over 500 chickens when developing the recipe for roast chicken. So much of good cooking is just iteration, adjustments, experience.
I have taken over all of the meal planning and preparation for years and I am sometimes burdened by always having to figure out the next meal. However, overall I it is an enjoyment.
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Adding my two cents worth - I enjoy cooking but certainly was out of practice when I began taking over those responsibilities. This past year I have watched a fair amount of America's Test Kitchen and a 30 minute show called Jamie Oliver's 30 minute meals. Both have given me great ideas and I have found both success and enjoyment in the learning. Jamie Oliver's show has been very helpful in that I can accomplish most meals within the 30 minute window. As we say finding the wins where we can……. and now
Recently her appetite is diminishing and I am having to adjust to ever smaller meals. I think this is a sign stage 6 is at the door.
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keep it simple. Brown hamburger, add cream of chicken or mushroom soup & serve over noodles with peas or mixed vegetables. I always had frozen Stouffeurs meals handy. Microwavable. Get cooked chicken and make vegetable soup. You can freeze it. Serve with grilled cheese sandwich. As she progresses she may need finger foods like chicken nuggets and soft foods.
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I agree with the sweets…she would have that for every meal if she could. I sometimes say I am going to fix this for dinner, and she turns up her nose. I have learned not to tell or ask just make it and serve it. Thank you all for the suggestions.
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I have never cooked and never had the desire to cook. I always said I'd eat out every day instead of cooking. Well considering how expensive it's become to eat out I now find myself having to cook. I've watched hundreds of YouTube cooking videos and having started compiling videos that have the most simple recipes. Now my wife thinks I'm a magnificent chef. haha See my playlist here, https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLalBI-G_Dke1yG-CxwxAjIKm29uEMH5bZ&si=S8aik9GwpOMJjDf9
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Canned soup for flavor, cooked with extra frozen veggies & cubed rotisserie chicken for nutrition, makes for a quick healthy meal.
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Thanks Diane, you are right we have started the softer fingers foods. The whole knife and fork combo has quickly become too complicated. I have also had a few instances where she disseminates her food with her hands much like our 2yr old grand son will.
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I am in the same boat, my wife cannot remember how to make things that she has done forever. Nor can she follow a recipe anymore. So I do all the meal planning and cooking. She still can make a salad, but it takes her forever. I have always done some of our cooking, and enjoyed it. Now it is just another chore. I do find myself looking for new recipes so we don't eat the same thing over and over.
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I suggest you buy a diabetic cookbook. A diabetic diet is just the healthy diet everyone should eat, and the cookbook would give you a slew of recipes.
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Oh, boy, I’m right there with you. Karma can be painful! One of the things I most appreciated about my DH was that he was perfectly happy and willing to do almost all of the grocery shopping (making certain he got the very best deals) and that he didn’t mind preparing food for our meals. I absolutely hate having to plan meals, make grocery lists, look for sales, coupons, etc., and then actually buy the groceries and put them away. I.hate.it. But, like you, I’m now 100% responsible for all that. When my DH became totally dependent for ADls, except for feeding himself, I decided I needed to hit the easy button as much as possible. So, I buy now for convenience and don’t worry as much about getting the lowest price. (He would go to several stores to take advantage of weekly specials.) Not me. I buy easy and quick to prepare dishes, very simple recipes, and have even done grocery delivery to shorten my visits to grocery store and take more advantage of the time the caregiver comes to stay with my DH while I do errands. I haven’t subscribed to any meal service yet since he needs gluten free foods, but I’ve considered it. This is just so much not fun, and my DH would have a heart attack if he understood how unfrugal I’ve become. I wish you luck on this terrible journey we’re being forced to take.
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we use Cook Unity service. It’s about $115 per week for 8 meals. I love it because O don’t have to think about planning a menu.
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Given the limited time I have to shop I no longer look much for the deals, just grab what I need and hustle back home. My DW was an avid coupon user, but I have no time or patience to do that. I hate the thought of getting meals delivered, not sure if I would even like them, but who knows could be better than what I put out.
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@Geot
Meal planning and prep are among the most tedious tasks in the entire realm of adulting.
I make it less onerous by batch cooking, trying "weeknight meals" recipes from NYT's "Cooking" app, the occasional take-out and breakfast-for-dinner. Other things that help are prepping early in the day before I run out of steam and slow cooked single pot entrees like stews and chili. My mom has gotten into the habit of eating her main meal at lunchtime.
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One other thing — as she moves along with this disease, her taste in food will change. You'll reach a point where you'll be cooking the things you like for yourself, and offering different things to her. This is ok, this is life, and you don't have to feel guilty about it. We are at the stage where I make a meal with different parts that can be mixed and matched — last night was tortellini, red sauce, parmesan cheese, broccoli. I'll make myself a big salad and a small portion of tortellini with red sauce, and I"ll offer her the plain tortellini with cheese and some broccoli she can eat with her fingers.
And breakfast for dinner is perfectly legitimate. Yogurt with fruit and granola is a meal. PB&J can be eaten 24/7.
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If you are on Facebook or the Nextdoor app, search for local chefs, or meals to go. In our small city, there are people who prepare meals in their (commercial) kitchen and sell the meals. I also visit a local catering company with a store front that sells leftovers at half price one day a week. Then, at the grocery, check out their deli or prepared foods sections. The made-in-store are typically better than a frozen dinner item. One thing about the premade section, I always check for the salt/sodium per serving. It is often 35% and up per serving, so always check that on the ingredients section.
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This is so true. Some foods that were DH’s favorite he no longer likes. Often complains food tastes bitter. I almost fainted yesterday when he said a new dish that I prepared tasted good. He used to enjoy spicy dishes, but now it seems the blander it is, the better he eats it. And yes, I prepare for him, and I usually eat something different. Everything becomes a challenge.
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My problem is complicated by our dog. Our dog of 10 years follows my DW everywhere. My DW pampers our dog. I had to remove all the food from our panty and refrigerator because my DW was obsessed about giving our dog all her food! I can no longer cook at home because my DW gives her food scraps to our dog. Not just scraps, but her food! Our dog is already way overweight and I'm trying to mitigate that any further. I now have to take my DW out to eat around noon so she can't feed our dog her food. I could handle being a chef at home but with the dog complication, it's on a completely different level. I cannot stock anything in the refrigerator because my DW will feed it to our dog. Luckily, I have a basement kitchen where I can store our food needs that she doesn't know about.
I realize pets can complicate the process but, this is hard!
Sorry, I'm just venting and I'm sorry it it's off the subject.
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Actually, nothing is off subject and venting here has been very helpful to me. I don't have a dog, but I can certainly understand how frustrating this can be. Everyone has posted a lot of very helpful information, and I appreciate all of it. Being that I am the only other person in my house taking care of my DW I have this place to talk to others…..I don't feel alone, can't express enough how great this is.
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I was so fortunate with the woman who was the first caregiver I hired. She'd been a cook at the local restaurant when she was younger. That's how I sold my DW on her…she was a caregiver coming in to help me cook because my job was taking too much of my time to do it. My DW bought that fiblet. She made us the most delicious meals this last year.
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Hi Jeff, I can totally relate as this is where we were 2years ago. Our poor Adi needed to lose over 10lbs at her vet visit that spring. It was impossible to control how often or what my DW wanted to feed our dog. Fast forward to today and over the past 6 months DW has mostly forgotten or detached from our dog she loves. Forgets to feed her in the mornings and that was ALWAYS a special time for them. Adi has lost 7 of the pounds this year as we have incorporated a walking routine but it is extra sad to see DW losing her emotional and intellectual connection with our animals. Makes me almost wistful for the former behavior…….
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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