How do I get him to accept respite care

Kmengle

I need respite but he refuses to go. What to do?

SDianeL

welcome. Sorry for the reason you are here. Are you referring to in home respite care for a few hours or a facility respite care for a couple of weeks or month??

H1235

Welcome. Could you suggest that this place is in need of volunteers. Maybe even join him for the entire first visit if needed. Is there something they may offer for entertainment that he might enjoy what would convince him. Get creative, it’s ok to fib. I would avoid at all costs telling him he needs to go there so you can do something, or imply he needs to be cared for. If this doesn’t work maybe you could consider having someone come into your home. If he just needs to be kept out of trouble so to speak (vs medical help), you might be able to get away with a friend of a friend helping out (vs hiring a professional caregiver through an agency). I would again come up with some kind of story/fib regarding why they are there. Someone needs service hours for college, an old friend you haven’t seen in years, a neighbor that just so happens to have the same hobby or similar interests ….

CindyBum

How can you get him to accept respite care? You likely can't, not with reason anyway. The bigger question, in my mind, is how do you get you to accept you may have to put him into respite care even if he doesn't want to.

It took me a long time to finally accept that I was the one person who HAD to make the decisions for both of us, even if my DW was not happy about those decisions. She never stopped complaining about having caregivers come to the house and I never stopped bringing them in, because I desperately needed the respite they gave me.

Everything about this damn dementia is hard.

Hang in there!

Karen711

I agree with Cindy, don’t wait for agreement. If it were up to my wife I would never have had a caregiver in the house. “Lucky” for me I only went through 6 caregivers in a 7 month period (one of whom DW threatened to kill) before we found someone DW loves. I could not give in to DWs objections because I recognized because of my own health issues that it was this or I would have to choose memory care for her which I did not want to do. If you need motivation to get past loved ones objections, just look down the road and imagine what might happen to YOU if you don’t get the respite you need. And remember, this help IS for you, and that’s the mantra to tell your DH.

Let us know how it goes!

HollyBerry

If you're working with an adult day program or agency, they (hopefully) have experience with this and can give you ideas specific to their program or your situation. On my partner's first day at the adult day program, they assigned a staff person to greet her personally and seat her with another new person who had also been a nurse. I stepped out quickly and let them get her engaged in things - much better than staying and having her argue with me or throw a fit and insist on going home.

We just started the hunt for an in-home person to come in the evenings so I can get out after work. This woman was magic, clearly very experienced, and read my partner like a book. I really hope we can make our schedules work. There will be protests, I'm sure, but I think she (the respite person) has the skills to defuse them. My intro line, in case it helps —- I said "this is So-and-So and she helps people who don't like to stay home by themselves." That is the chief complaint I hear when I try to go out and do anything by myself in the evening - my partner say she doesn't like to be home by herself and I am using that to my advantage!