I really miss the wife I married

Jeff H

I can no longer have a meaningful conversation with my DW. I try, but she isn't all there. When she speaks, it's mostly gibberish which I simply respond in agreement or positive manner. The simple affection is almost gone. Everyday consists monitoring her and helping her with showering, hygiene and getting dressing. I miss the life we had or were going to have. We are both 67 years old. Gone are our retirement dreams and ideas. We have been robbed of that by this terrible disease. I'm just venting because today was especially hard for me because I truly miss my wife that I married. I'm thinking of all you caregivers in the same position. Now, we'll see what tomorrow brings…

annie51

Sending a big virtual hug. We know how you feel… some days it just hits you harder than other days. I don’t know why but it’s true. I hope tomorrow will be a little better for you.

SDianeL

So sorry. We understand. Hugs. 💜

Chance Rider

{{{Hugs}}}

Russinator

I'm the same way with my DW.

howhale

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75449/i-really-miss-the-wife-i-married

So sorry for your you and your wife in this nightmare. Having passed into Stage 8 now, I would offer this. I came to realize and believe in the waning months with my dear wife of 57 years that she is still in there, just unable to communicate with me as she did before. I believe her heart remained intact, loving deeply, trying so hard to tell me (and others) but unable and it never failed her while her brain faded. I believe this because in rare moments she would say a few words to me completely understandable or she would look at me with eyes that tried so hard to talk to me. I had to become very aware of her signals and listen carefully at all times to catch her words of "Thank you for taking good care of me" then nothing again for weeks or months. Come here often and vent. This role of caregiver in this disease drives us all to need to vent but never forget that she is in there still in her heart and look and listen for those moments when she is working so hard to tell you.

jgreen

Sending warm hugs and understanding. 💝

marier

Yes, I have many days of missing my DH as he progresses in this awful disease. He is in stage 7. Hang in there and sending hugs. Some days are better than others.

Sunfish47

So sorry. We are all in the same sad boat. It is heart breaking at times.

jimmyjimereeno

I feel for you, I feel this too, myDW becomes very angry at me for disrespecting her when I try to help her with things such as getting go appointments, if she has a doctor appointment she may be ready to go 3 or 4 hours before the appointment and when I try to talk to her she becomes angry that I am being disrespectful and telling her what to do - we have not had a relationship where I tell her what to do, she’s very strong willed but sometimes I have to, ie when putting a cast iron pan in the microwave to heat it up

howhale

Walking the fine line between keeping our loved one safe and, yet, not antagonizing them is a continuing challenge. I finally started removing or hiding things my wife would want to handle or use which presented unsafe issues. If done when the item was out of her mind, she seldom even noticed. If she did, I would just tell her it was misplaced and I would search for it. The items I handled this way ranged from small and seemingly insignificant to larger, clearly unsafe things. It was quite difficult and clothing was an ongoing problem. The only saving grace for us was that my wife's short term memory faded early and she would not recall the confrontations just minutes afterwards. I ultimately added child locks to some cabinets and drawers pretending it was stuck and needed repair. Again, she forgot it very quickly and moved on.

Biggles

I hear you Jeff H I miss my DH so much. We are both sitting on the couch, we have gone through the motions of watching the news and now a show but we cannot discuss anything, share ideas or even reiterate what has been happening today. My darling DH also has aphasia so what little thought is still there the words evade him and he can’t find them. We are still so close, we dance together, we sing together, we laugh together but there is no intellectual connection of the deep and meaningful and I miss it so much, I miss him.