Struggle with my identity 🥴

highdeserthopeful

I received a call from my dad gf he was transitioning a year ago, I tell her to call ambulance, something felt off. Dad is hospitalized, no longer walked, multiple infections, and weird things begin happening with his girlfriend. She blocked me, she told hospital they were married, she would talk to him like a brainwashing way, she was'nt honest or forthright with me or hospital. Next thing you know, she sneaks drugs into the hospital to give him. From then on her and their friend group start going crazy. Snuck in made fake poa, tried to cash his soc security check, tried to coach him into abuse claims, tries to manipulate staff, ofc stole all my fathers things, ran up all utilities in his name, just hell on earth for a year. I became conservator last summer and everything I do they coach my dad into retaliating against me with elder abuse claims. He is total care and has been in skilled nursing facilities all year, so everyone knows im not abusing him. Omnibudsmen, court, health dept all closed reports, because they see the history & timeline. As conservator I had to file elder abuse restraining orders, small claims, etc. They have moved on from coaching him into elder abuse claims, to mefical neglect, which is wild because he is in a licensed memory care HIGHLY reccommended by regional omnibudsman...that did'nt work, so now they are trying to find an advocacy group to get around his lawyer (who knows just who they are 🙄) to say memory care is not equipped to care for a wheelchair patient. Btw, his roommate is in a wheelchair 🤔, he refuse showers, socializing, and getting out of bed…yet he says its due to lack of equipment, he requested sliding board- git it, he said old wheelchair hurt his bottom- got new one. Its him refusing, not lack of. Previous social worker, current admin, and adult protective services suggest I take the phone, because he's basically isolated himself to the bed on phone with abusers. I only wrote half of what we been through the last year, so Im always on edge, always anxious something is about to happen. So now I present anxiety ridden and high strung. Its wild!!!! Crazy part is at night, when I check on him, we are both chill like our normal selves, but day time is hell. Any advice on any of this??? Especially taking the phone eventially?

terei

TAKE THE PHONE NOW.

highdeserthopeful

I have anxiety about taking the phone, because sometimes courts will say its isolation.

What do you guys think of me changing the number first and only putting family in contacts??

SDianeL

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/266948#Comment_266948

I would take the phone. Tell him it’s being repaired. If anything happens the facility will call you. Explain to the facility not to put any calls through to him from those people. Ask if they can bring him a phone so he can call you once a day. Many caregivers have had to take the phone from their loved ones with dementia because they call multiple times during the day.

marier

I agree take the phone or at least block all calls from people you don't want contacting your dad. Also you can restrict time of use and internet function. He could still call out only to folks on his call list. You might need to go to his service provide to ask for help with this or if you are techn savy fairly easy to do. Good Luck.

highdeserthopeful

Great Ideas! Im thinking as a first step, take the phone, buy him a new phone, blocking those numbers, and supervised usage...then maybe his desire to have his phone will bring him out of self isolation ?

Victoriaredux

Phone has to go now. You can call selected folks for him when you visit and listen in if you think it would be a positive. And hang up if it isn't. If he asks to speak to her, "hmm.. line is busy" switch topics.

. And it won't take long before he forgets about a phone.

It may not work but I'd write the facility and say as conservator you do not permit vistors or incoming calls unless approved by you. Getting him away from them will make everyone healthier. And making an effort to get a few good folk in can't hurt so that , if it comes up with a judge, it will show you didn't isolate you were protective. Your lawyer can advise you on the best wording to make your intent clear- protection, not isolation.

Be sure you have your Dad's property titled properly if there is a trust etc. And that his will etc is in a safe place [not a bank box ] .

I'd find an older tax return from before she showed up and be sure you know what happened to every account . Every tax refund check.

Don't be surprised if more gift letters, IOUs payable on death and sundry pieces of made up garbage appear down the road - these people have a playlist and get hype'd up running the story line.

Did you as conservator block his credit report? Create a Social Sec acct on line so they can't fiddle with it?

Would you let a child molester hang out in the backyard with a minor grandchild? The phone is a way for the "gf"'s crowd to get in to mess with your Dad's mind . They have one goal- money. Protecting him is keeping him away from bad actors.

Taking advantage of impaired adults is their lottery game and they picked your Dad's ticket as most likely to win. When the time comes, reflect whether to publish a newspaper notice. You don't want to be wasting time and money fighting them off. If they don't know the when , they may miss a deadline to file their junk papers.

highdeserthopeful

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/267011#Comment_267011

So many gems, its crazy, I nvr knew how real predators were until this. Its sad!