88yo mother

byronbcjake

88yo mother in memory care after a broken hip. 88yo dad living home alone visits every dad about 7-8 hours. Mom with her dementia blames him for her circumstances and he gets angry and frustrated, blows up and storms out of the facility
despite the fact we tell him constantly she cant help what she saying and talking to her is useless. She has about a 5 minute memory. Any suggestions???

terei

As another poster was advised, possibly he should bring treats, stay brief periods of time + if he can’t control himself, visit less often.

H1235

Welcome. You are in a rough situation. I’ll throw out some idea and hopefully something will be useful. If your mom is getting angry and frustrated, could anxiety medication be prescribed or increased? I assume he won’t agree to fewer or shorter visits. How is your dad getting to the mc. I’m hopping someone is driving him. Could excuses be made for not bringing him to visit as much. If he is still driving himself, at 88 should he be? It can be hard dealing with a loved one with dementia, but could there be something more going on with him? Is it a lack of understanding or empathy? Lack of empathy and confusion over the situation could mean he is showing signs of dementia. Maybe he could use some anxiety medication. I hope you can find a solution.

Quilting brings calm

I would shorten his visits, and reduce the number of days he visits. Visiting someone with dementia for 7-8 hours every day is emotionally, mentally and physically exhausting for someone a lot younger than he is. Add his age and his own health situation to it and you are risking losing him before you lose her. On the flip side, having someone visit for that long is emotionally and mentally draining for a person with dementia.

Each of them needs time with their own situation. He needs to find enjoyment in his days other than visiting her- and she needs to settle into things going on at memory care. She’s not adjusting because all her waking hours are spent with him- and the same can be said for him.

Stop acting as if there is something wrong with him for becoming frustrated with her. Dealing with a person with dementia is frustrating. Start accepting that he needs time away from her, make sure he has it.