Laundry Obsession

Pmmommie

I had previously posted and asked for advice for my Dad who is obssed with doing laundry. It is now getting so bad that the whole facility is trying to come up with something to make him stop. I know he feeels useful and needed but, it's getting out of control. His private caregivers, he has 3 different ones thru the week per Drs orders, are getting fed up and are tired of sitting alone in his apartment or in the laundry room. He refuses to eat when he has laundry to do. Any activity or visit is dependant on laundry. He says it's his job and customers keep bringing it to him.

I along with the CGs have told him that he's not responsoble for every one laundry. We have tried to limit or restrict him to his floor. Clothes go missing (to his apartment). He comes in with something new and he will start am argument saying he was given this item or he bought it from the facility. He gets into a rage when suggested to take a break.

I'm afraid that they're going to ask him to leave as he is on a waiting list for an MC at another facility.

I've tried taking my clothes and towels out to him. He will wash them at put them in the laundry room for my to look for. I've tried telling him that all workers get time off. Nothing works. He has different little "jobs" that the facility has offered and he's not interested. He doesn't go to lunch outings or get involved in Happy Hour etc.

I have even suggested that the facility needs to lock the laundry room door on each floor since each resident has a laundry day. Their laundry is picked up by the differnt aides. He takes over the washer and dryer so the residents that like to do their own laundry are stuck waiting. AND yes, he has puzzles board games and even Memry games and Scrabble. Bird season is upon us and we are all waiting with baited breath as he is known for feed the whole facilities birds.

Any ideas????I'm at wits end.

Victoriaredux

I've read your older posts. First , "I was looking into Vetran facilities but, all I've seen thus far seem more like hospital wings. No warmth, just white painted walls. He made me promise nothing like that."

No one ever wants to leave their home or be placed , and no loved one can prevent or reverse dementia . I'd view the promise he made you say as a "wish" he'd never need care. But he does. Not your fault. A wish is a hope that alas, can't be fulfilled.

It is up to you to get him in the safest place for his current stage- and it sounds like MC is appropriate.

That removes the whole laundry room issue . Yup, Dad's Fluff 'n' Fold will be hanging up the plastic bins .

The white walls etc in MC are because too much visual or aural input can agitate a PWD. Decor or lack of activities that would bore us are actually calming and reassuring for a PWD. The lobby grand pianos etc are for family to feel "good" ,not for the residents .

You've mentioned you can't afford an attorney to file for guardianship- with a strong DPOA you shouldn't need one . As an installed holder of a DPOA you can use his assets for his legal matters and to arrange his care. That wording should be in the DPOA.

I would consider seeking out a separate elder care lawyer for you in your DPOA role who can review the family situation and advise if there are proactive steps to take to avoid the sisters etc. landing trying to get control, money or both . How to block them as a protective measure , but avoid isolation charges. Sounds like his phone needs to be made more restrictive to keep bad actors from getting through . At some point it will need to be removed.

He has the investments and the house - be sure they are titled properly, if he doesn't have a trust ask the lawyer if that would be a good idea at this point. If he tended to bank at the same places for years and the sisters know this , you can move his accounts to another institution, make it harder on them trying something funny. When professional fiduciaries take on a new client they tend to move all financial accounts , safer and avoids old problems being pinned on them- like checks relatives are holding on to , waiting to cash .

As for his house , moving him back and having shifts of people coming and going may be too much for him . He may start saying - repaint this wall, why is this door here etc .

You can rent out the house or sell it to pay for his care .

There are steps you can take to get him into a calmer living situation . Take them for his safety and comfort. Not to try to please him or whatever wishes he makes - he may forget them tomorrow.

Good luck.

SDianeL

My husband was in memory care and was obsessed with the trash. He insisted on helping. No amount of telling him it wasn’t his job would stop him. The obsession stopped after I moved him to a VA facility. My husband got great care at a VA facility. Zero cost. He was happy there. Before I moved him he was in a fancier place but wasn’t happy. My husband thought his new job at the VA facility was talking to the other veterans.