memory care visits are very difficult

Afoxbadger

My 89-year-old mom was moved to memory care about 3 weeks ago after a stay in a geriatric-psych ward for medical stabilization. We cared for her for the last 5 years with more round-the-clock care over the last year due to behaviors that made her unsafe. She was very unhappy with her situation then, didn’t really enjoy much anymore, and she is unhappy with the situation now. She cries a lot throughout the visit, says she is devastated, and that she is an empty shell and her life is over. She does seem a little clearer now. She could not have articulated that a few months ago. The staff says she is on the higher functioning end. She doesn’t engage in the activities that are provided and isn’t really talking to anyone. I worry that we placed her too early but it was no longer possible for her to remain where she was. Does anyone have suggestions for what to do during the visits to help her adjust and find some inner peace?

SDianeL

Anxiety, aggression and Depression are common. Talk to her doctor about medication changes or dose changes. Unfortunately you can’t reason with her as her reasoner is broken. Many PWD withdraw from people and activities. They can’t initiate or participate in many activities. They can’t follow conversations. She could be declining but showtiming for short periods when you visit. They can make caregivers second guess the diagnosis. Have you also expressed your concerns to the Director and social worker at the facility?

easy23

My DH is in a nursing home and has been there for 8 months. He is in his early 70's. The psychiatrist has changed his medications and raised his Zoloft dosage. I found out today that he played bingo yesterday. Never in a million years would he do that!

I also think it's a good idea to speak to the social worker and director.

Don't worry about placing her too early. You did the right thing and she is only going to decline - sorry to say.

Afoxbadger

Thank you for these thoughts. I will arrange discussions with the social worker.

April23

It can take weeks or months to really adjust. You cared for her admirably for as long as you could. Focus now on letting the caregivers give the care and you be the child. Listen to her, tell her you understand, let her know you hear her, that you love her and you’ll always be there. I always bring something for my dad when I visit: something from home, pictures, a favorite food, etc. Come prepared with something you can focus on and enjoy together during the visit. Sometimes it will work, sometimes it won’t. In time she’ll adjust and it will be easier. You can try visiting during one of the activities and she might be more willing to join. Medication might be necessary as others have stated, these are just some other suggestions. Hugs to you!