Mom is 89=Alzheimer, Dad is 95=Pancreatic Cancer

Abue

Hello everyone~I just signed up with ALZConnected bc I am in need of experience, advise, support with my elderly "independent" parents whom I love so much! Here I go:
My mother is 89 years old. May 2025 she was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes which has been challenging due to memory declining over the past several years. Last week my father & I were able to take my mother (reluctantly) to her first neurologist appointment and happy to report she loved the Doctor! She still has somewhat of a funny personality, understanding at times she does have memory loss.
My father is 95 years & has been battling pancreatic cancer since Feb.2025. He's a fighter, taking chemo every 2 weeks. He is my mother's rock & we truly believe he continues his fight to take care of our mother.......In the past several months my father's health has declined, becoming weaker, forgetful & sleeping longer (as well as my mother).
Both of my parents live at their home independently-Mom reads a ton, Dad reads a bit & paints a bunch.
Although each can bathe & dress themselves at their pace, the following day to day functions are very much concerning:
Eating meals/snacks
Liquids/hydrating
Pill taking which is all day long
***
My husband, myself & brother live 4 hours from our folks. My husband & I come in to stay with them every 7-10 days. My brother will come every other weekend. As of late we have been coming in more frequently.

We will need professional help (Hospice) soon but they still want their independence. My father wants to stay in his home unless medically he has to move. We have promised him Mom will not go into a facility but rather my husband & my home with additional caregiver help.

WHEW.......What can you wonderful people who have been thru similar situations advise? Please and Thank You

SDianeL

welcome. Glad you found this group but sorry for the reason. Sorry about your Dad & Mom. The 3 challenges you listed need to be addressed. Someone needs to be there daily to help them. If it can’t be family I would hire a caregiver. Their independence isn’t the most important thing. Their safety is. Family needs to step in and make the decisions for them. Hospice is an option also. They offer so much like supplies, nurses, counseling and clergy. Fib to your parents if necessary and tell them the doctor said they need home health care.

H1235

Welcome. 24/7 in home care is expensive. A wish to stay in their home is only going to work if their are financially able to cover the costs involved in this kind of care. With a complicated medication schedule 24/7 care might be what they need. I can understand wanting to respect your dad’s wishes, but in my opinion their safety should be the number one priority. There are electronic pill dispensers that are pretty fancy that may help your dad. For most with dementia it’s still not enough. In home cameras may help give you some peace of mind. You might look into the medic alert thing that is worn around the neck and can be use in an emergency. The problem with this is it does no good if it’s not worn. Since you are new here I will point out how important it is to have a DPOA and all legal matters addressed. You said your mom will come live with you if he passes first. Even if you are home 24/7 and able to provide that kind of care you will need a break now and then. Sometimes no matter how determined you are in home care may not work. Some people with dementia refuse help with showering (this can sometimes be worse if family is trying to help). Bladder and bowel incontinence can also be a game changer for in home care. I’m glad you found our group. I will attach a few resources that might be helpful.

Tam-Cummings-LLC-Handouts (2).pdf

understanding-the-dementia-experience.pdf