Asking for car incessantly!!!

JC5

DH has been asking for his car every day multiple times a day non stop and it’s driving me crazy! We told him it’s being fixed .. he doesn’t believe us, I change the subject works for a bit then ask again. Continues to call our 3 children and lately the grandchildren asking for his car! It’s been almost a year! Help how do I stop this?

JC5

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Groovy's Girl

I have thought about you all day. I wish I had something that could help. All I have is…give a different reason each time he asks. Or see what happens if you just don't respond. Do you have a photo of the car? Or maybe a "fake" photo showing it at a body shop? Maybe if he has the photo he can stop asking.

I get your frustration…I am looking at my DH like he's a toddler because they are just as difficult to reason with. All of the behaviors we're dealing with are so frustrating …where is the Magic Wand?

Groovy's Girl

Oh! I just had a thought…maybe he isn't processing things he hears…maybe he can process what he sees. So a photo on a piece of paper with the statement on it about the car.

Jeff H

Not that medication is always the answer, but is your DH on any medication for agitation or anxiety? Maybe ask your DH's neurologist. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

jgreen

Hi, @JC5

So sorry you are going through this. The driving is a HUGE deal - especially for PWDs who are so very independent. Just think about how you would feel if your independence was taken away.

I locked both cars and hid the keys. Learned to stay calm (very hard to do when DH so agitated) and sweetly ask if he wanted to go somewhere. If I was able, I always offered to drive and take him where he wanted to go. If not able at the moment, I would say that I would take him when I finished what I was doing.

I’ve been watching different videos from several health professionals online and one was saying that often the right side of the brain is affected first/the most and that is the ‘logical side’. The left side is the emotional side and we as caregivers need to communicate to the LO’s emotions. So saying something like “I know how important your car is to you (emotion). Right now it is in the shop being fixed. It is a lovely day for a drive - I can take you.” She follows up by saying to give short answers and pause between each thought so your LO can process the words and meanings. So very hard in the heat of the moment. I’ve lost it a few times and looking back can see a difference if I can slow down, speak to emotions first, and stay calm.

It has taken almost a year for my DH to ‘accept’ that he cannot drive anymore. On occasion he wants the keys, but the storm has dissipated. I hope it will for you and your DH too.

JC5

Thank you all ! Appreciate your advice. It also doesn’t help that the house 5 doors down from us is being renovated and a worker happens to have a truck similar to DH and parks in front of our house! Asked, explained to the worker to no avail!