Recs and encourgament

Pearl02

My mom is newly diagnosed with Alzheimer’s at 62. The wait to see a neurologist is 7 months so we are reliant on her PCP. My father is sadly in denial or just needs more time to accept the situation. There are three adult children, two of which live in town. Sadly it feels like symptom wise, she has stepped off a cliff and is in free fall. Every day her symptoms seem to get worse and worse-meltdowns, paranoia, fixations, memory lapses etc. She accepts the memory loss is part of the disease but nothing else. I feel helpless and I don’t know what to do especially since my dad doesn’t seem to be able to snap out of it. We all need time to process this recent diagnosis but it doesn’t feel like we have time given how fast things are moving. Any advice or encouragement would be appreciated!

pamu

If you haven't already, get a referral to a geriatric psychiatrist as soon as possible. They can help manage her symptoms with medication.

H1235

Welcome. I’m glad you found our group. One of the most important things to be done early on is to see a lawyer. Even if your parents are in denial you might suggest this is simply something that needs to be done because they are getting older. Your dad will need DPOA with you probably named as a backup, a will and living will. Since your mom can no longer make decisions for your dad if he were to have health issues, it would probably be good for him to appoint a DPOA (other than your mom). This is so tough. If he doesn’t recognize her limitations or symptoms (this is common for the person with dementia) he may allow her do things that put her in danger (driving, going for a walk alone, being left home alone). I will attach a staging tool. Maybe seeing her symptoms in on a clear list with stages might help him. Some people really have a rough time accepting. Would he attend some kind of dementia information seminar. I’m so sorry you need to be here.

DBAT.pdf

caregiving daughter

If you live near a large metro area, check to see if a university system or research hospital has a memory clinic. The clinic may host a variety of specialties/social workers that focus on dementia diagnosis and potentially allow your mom to be seen much sooner. Another option is to see if you can question the receptionists at the neurology office. My guess is that rather than the neurologist making the diagnosis, a neuro psychologist would need to have an extended visit to provide formal diagnosis and recommended support going forward. If the neurologist's office could confirm that this is the typical approach in your community, it could expedite obtaining a care plan. I don't believe diagnosis can be done from medical scans. It's tough to get a loved one to go through multiple doctors so ensure you understand the steps before-hand.

SDianeL

welcome. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” and search online for dementia caregiving videos by Teepa Snow or Tam Cummings which are very helpful. Your Mom may not be able to understand she has an illness. It’s called Anosognosia which is a neurological condition causing a person to be unaware of their own cognitive impairments, such as memory loss or confusion. Unlike denial, which is psychological, this lack of insight is caused by brain damage, making the person truly believe they are fine, 

Victoriaredux

If the PCP didn't rule out a UTI have that checked . UTIs can cause rapid decay. Curing it won't cure the dementia but can minimize the damage.

harshedbuzz

@Pearl02

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place.

You've already gotten some excellent advice and resources from others. I would add that getting the spouse-parent "on board" was a challenge for me as well for a number of reasons. I think mom's denial was rooted in her being so close to the situation— rather like the frog set in a pot of water on the stove. I think, too, the horror of the losses to come were more than she could deal with emotionally as well.

The one thing that worked to get mom to accept what was obvious to others was getting her into an IRL support group with folks her age. They had an authority in her mind that I just didn't have.

As an adult child of a parent-in-denial, it would be useful to explore options and create a Plan B for caregiving in the event you need to take over the decision making because of illness or death of your dad.

HB