How to get my DW to eat when she's hungry but won't.

Jeff H

I have noticed that my DW get's cranky when she's hungry. I ask her what she would like to eat and she says she doesn't want anything. I know she's hungry but refuses to eat. I ask her about all her favorite foods with no luck. It's just frustrating, because if she does actually eat something, she is in her happy place.

Timmyd

For me, talking to DW about food does not work. I prepare and present the food at meal time and make sure it is easily accessible. I describe it as I give it to her and make sure it sounds exciting and tasty. I let her sit with it for at least 30 minutes, sometimes an hour before I take uneaten food away. Snacks are similar. I make sure she sees them and they are easily accessible. I think the best you can do is to make sure that food you know she likes is available and easily accessible. With DW, we are well beyond the point of being able to use words to communicate effectively about food.

Goodlife2025

Ditto what Timmyd says. DW no longer knows or could tell me if she is hungry. The past year she has said no to being hungry any time I have asked and couldn't name a food she is wanting/craving in several years. Also, as we are transitioning from stage 5, I have noticed her appetite is just diminishing in general.

Side thought: Thank you to each of you. I read your posts nearly everyday and because of all the wisdom and experiences shared here I feel like this has been something I am somewhat prepared for. It has not been as alarming as it might have been watching her diet and eating routines change. Just another example of how this site is really one of the only sources for all the tidbits you will need as a caregiver.

eligius

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75685/how-to-get-my-dw-to-eat-when-she-039-s-hungry-but-won-039-t

have same problem with my DW. Sometimes she will eat if I tell her: “just eat what you can, don’t worry, I can put it away for later”. Sit with her and give her time.

nanasharon

Will she drink a smoothie or meal replacement shake, such as Boost?

blacksparky

Hi Jeff, I agree with all these previous suggestions. I have a pretty good idea on what my DW has liked in the past. It’s always not exactly the healthiest meals but she eventually eats them. I don’t ask her anymore just make the meal and give it to her. I have mastered pb&j sandwiches along with any pasta dish or grilled cheese sandwiches. I will cut up fresh fruit each afternoon and put it in a bowl and she will pick at it most times eventually eating all of it. I keep raisins, nuts, graham crackers and cookies around also for snacking. I know this disease will eventually cause her to lose weight so I’m not too concerned about her eating that healthy. She’s happy with her food choices so who am I to take what little happiness she has from her.

jfkoc

MAKING A DECISION MAY BE THE PROBLEM. TRY FIXING AND PUTTING IT IN FRONT OF HER.

Jeff H

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/269211#Comment_269211

I have tried the Quest brand bars for a snack and my DW sometimes accepts them. They do help. My DW loves her cheeseburgers. While not great, it keeps her happy. I have gone into a routine of having a cheeseburger ready around 4pm when she gets cranky. She eats it and is very satisfied and is fine for the rest of the night. It's been working greats so far. It's not the healthiest but the battle is over.

SiberianIris

People with dementia will often answer many different questions with "no" because their brain is broken. It's harder for their brain to process the question.

Rather than asking if they are hungry, offer a choice such as "Do you want soup or salad?". More often than not, however, they will default to latter option as their cognition diminishes, so say whatever option you think they'd prefer last.

Cut up food into manageable pieces or offer finger foods they can pick up. Keep portions small and offer throughout the day.

In a study by Boston University, people with dementia consumed 25% more food when eating from a red plate rather than a white plate.

https://makedementiayourbitch.com/why-do-people-with-dementia-say-no-and-what-do-to-about-it/

https://www.agespace.org/dementia/tips-to-help-someone-with-dementia-to-eat-more

persevere

Lots of great advice here. Just fix and feed. Does she feed herself? My DW stopped feeding herself a long while ago. She would struggle so I just went ahead and took control after awhile. You might try that. There’s nothing you can do to make them eat. Just try often or when you’re eating something offer her a bite here and there. I find her best meal is breakfast. I load her up here. Also, remember, their bodies start to process food differently. I try not to force it. You don’t know what they’re feeling. They might be constipated and uncomfortable.

Jeff H

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/269297#Comment_269297

Yes, my DW can still feed herself. I too can agree that her best meal is breakfast. She enjoys that a lot. And I too try to "load her up". Her breakfast meal usually gets her beyond the noon hour, so she gets hungry again in the mid-afternoon. That's when I have her favorite cheeseburger or similar at the ready. Again, not the healthiest but she enjoys it. If she does consume the afternoon meal, she is quite content until bedtime.

persevere

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/269339#Comment_269339

At some point, when they start to lose a lot of weight, you stop worrying about the health aspects of the food. Calories is what is important. Our usual highlight of the day is taking a ride to the drive thru at chick filet and getting her a chocolate milkshake.

harshedbuzz

@Jeff H

This sounds really frustrating.

My mom had a similar issue with my dad. TBH, his behavior in the moment looked very like that of a preschooler declaring "you're not the boss of me". Dad never responded well to being told what to do so I suspect it was about controlling what little he could.

Some things we landed on that helped.

A lot of the time dad's inertia meant he didn't want to move from his sofa to come into the kitchen. Bringing food/snacks to him worked better.

With progression, the fine motor skills and work of cutting become problematic. You make have better luck with finger foods and things that can be speared with a fork without cutting.

At a certain point, calories in matters more than nutrition. Most PWD become into sweets, so offering a treat, as in bring it to them without asking if they want it.

Another thing to consider is that sometimes saying "no" is a default for PWD. This explains that— there's a link to a podcast towards the end.

https://www.willgatherpodcast.com/post/what-do-we-do-when-they-say-no-navigating-care-refusals-in-dementia-with-adria-thompson-caregiving

HB

Jeff H

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/269295#Comment_269295

I have found this very helpful. Rather than asking if my DW is hungry I simple say, do you want a chessburger or french toast? My DW responses with "what are the choices again?". She then picks one and we are golden!

Thank you!