Overwhelmed

Troy T

My DW was just diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in January. I started noticing things last September and she went through extensive testing. She’s only 53 yrs old and our lives have turned upside down. She lost her job last August which was 60% of our income. A daughter, freshman at UNM, and a younger daughter Junior in high school. Things have been very difficult. Trying to balance care for her, dr’s appointments, helping our kids while trying to do my job 40 hours a week. Basically, I am very scared right now and am lost. Her short term memory is bad and she is unable to drive. I feel like my biggest enemy is time. There is so much to do and I don’t have time to do it. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you

Quilting brings calm

first thing to do is to try to get her on social security disability to restore part of the lost income. Next is to get all the legal paperwork updated- will, power of attorney, medical power of attorney. When doing your own - do not name her as your representative.

Get your younger daughter her driver’s license as soon as practical. She obviously cannot miss school to take her places, but she might be able to run errands for you after school.

Ask your wife’s friends to help. Give them a specific task that you need when they tell you to just let them know what you need.

BPS

My wife was diagnosed when she was 63. All I can say is write down all that you think you need to do and prioritize it because you can get buried in all this. Some of the things you think you need to do may be things that can wait or depending on how your wife progresses may never need to be done. The thing that should be done while she is still able to sign legal paper is to make sure you have your wills or trust in order and to have durable power of attorney updated and signed. Make sure kids understand what is going on and then stop for an evening and take her out to a nice dinner and enjoy being together without talking about all that needs to be done. As you get a little time here and there watch some videos by Tam Cummings and Teepa Snow. They are very good videos about dementia. This is a long journey you have to take some breaks and care for yourself too.

Michele P

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75687/overwhelmed

I am sorry you are going through this. As others have mentioned, prioritize what needs to be done immediately. Number 1- meet with an elder law attorney and get your legal documents in order while she can still sign them. Get Hippa forms signed for all doctors giving you access to all of her doctors and medical records. Ask your attorney for the name of an SSDI attorney and hire that attorney to apply for SSDI for your wife. Next, get log ins and passwords for all accounts, computers, phone. You have to take over all financials.
Purchase TILE gps trackers and place them on wallets, keys, phones. They track the items and people through the Life 360 app.

If there is an Oasis Senior Services in your area, contact them. They offer free assistance for finding in home care and a memory care facility. This is your plan b in the event you and your family can no longer care for her. Put her on a waitlist with a refundable deposit at a memory care facility. Call your local Council for the Aging and find out what services are available including adult day care. Many here were able to continue working by placing their loved one in adult day care while at work.
Ask those who are willing to help to help with one thing.
Come back here for help. This is a supportive community with people with expertise that is invaluable.

Goodlife2025

Troy so sorry for your need to be here. Come here often it has been my life line. My DW was diagnosed at age 48 turned 50 this past January and is in late stage 5. I could not say enough about how financially difficult this has been. We thought we were doing well and on a great track for retirement. That has all been wiped out in these past few years. Change passwords, limit access to funds, exchange any credit cards for a pre-paid debit card. Get important things out of her wallet. Start scanning her phone, computer, social media when she is not present looking for scams and fraud attempts. She is especially vulnerable in these early stages. Get her on SSDI as quickly a possible. Someone once mentioned on here about how it is like having a toddler except my toddler has 50 years of "experiences" doing things and thinks she still can.

Jgirl57

Welcome Troy T. So very sorry your young family is going through this. All the advice noted above is good and sound. Our situation is different since our children are grown and we are retired . Your challenges are tough but you will find your way through. Sending (((HUGS))) to you and your children.

sandwichone123

I am so sorry to hear this. There are no good answers, and there is only one direction this can go. Please be very watchful of your children, especially your youngest. Sometimes people with dementia (PWD) can have personality changes. If they start being mean to the child it can be very damaging.

I realize it will seem premature, but now is the time to start looking at memory care options. If you're in the Albuquerque area (although there may be another UNM), I could make suggestions. The time is coming very soon that she won't be able to stay home alone. I'm a little older than you, but still had to face the choice of quitting my job to stay home or placing my spouse. I didn't want to find myself in my early 60's with no job and no current contacts, so I placed my spouse. Look at several places, because they're much more different from each other than you might expect.

Troy T

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/269240#Comment_269240

thank you, we are in Santa Fe

persevere

Hey Troy, sorry to hear the news. She's young. You're getting a lot of good advice here but it's pretty fast and furious. Slow down, take a deep breath. Hopefully you have some family that you can lean on for financial and care support. Go get the book the 36 Hour Day (beat you to it Diane-lol). This is a must. Use the search function on this website to look for subjects you want to know about. Be patient with her and just remember she can't help herself and the things she does. At some point Hospice will become an important player in your journey. Be sure to bring them in when it's time. For Alzheimer's you don't have to wait until they are on the edge. They can be brought in much earlier to help. And one last thing - the fact that you have your daughter at home is a big plus. Many of us on this site are sole caregivers with no one else in the home.

Treeman0821

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75687/overwhelmed

Wishing you strength, courage, and grace…one day at a time. 🙏🏼🕯

ldm0804

Wishing you strength as well. My DH (68) was diagnosed a year ago with Early Onset Alz. I am new to this resource but wanted to recommend something for you. Get a group of people willing to help friends, family, neighbors etc. Utilize this website to coordinate needs. People involved get an email with the requests or needs that you enter. It can help coordinate, communicate and save steps. It could be you are stuck at an appointment or in traffic and a dog needs walking. You can't get out to get a few grocery items. We are using it for a dear friend who has ALS. It works for many disease states, and I plan on using it when the time comes. Wishing you the best of luck. https://lotsahelpinghands.com/