Move to MC unit closer to family?

MaryMN

My widowed 92 year old MIL has been living in a MC facility in her small hometown for the last 3 years. She gets excellent care and has adjusted well. BUT it is over an hour and a half from her two closest children. There is only one friend who still comes to visit her there on a regular basis.

We are considering moving her to a facility run by the same organization in our town. This would allow many more visits from her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. In addition, she is beginning to experience frequent falls and we aren't always available to drive 90 minutes one way for follow up doctor appointments.

Is it worth disrupting the life she has established just to be closer to family? Given her age and memory issues, how hard would the adjustment be?

JulietteBee

I would think it is worth it to move her to a place closer to family.🥰

rolovan

Yes, move her closer to family. Wouldn't you want this for yourself? This is how I test the questions everytime!

psg712

Good idea to move her closer to family. As her condition progresses, friends will be less able or available to visit. It's also important that whomever has POA is close enough to meet her at the ER each time she goes. She needs someone who knows her to be there advocating for her best interests.

Dusty217

Has anyone asked your MIL. Is she able to understand at this point?

H1235

I would think it’s worth it. If you move her to a facility associated with the one she is currently at, you might find the building layout, routines, and activities are similar enough to make the move easier.

harshedbuzz

@MaryMN

Some thoughts.

IMO, the PWD needs to be local to the POA. Full stop. The POA needs to be able to meet the ambulance as it pulls into the ED as residents are sent alone without someone who knows their history and can advocate/make decisions.

You may have a more loving family than mine, but I wouldn't count on many visits from grands and great-grands. Mom and I used to visit dad every 2 days on alternating days once he was settled, but almost no one else came. His brother who lived less than 2 miles away made it once in the 2 1/2 months before dad died. My older and super-busy niece made it once to a party hosted at the faciity and her sister never made it at all.

If you're making the move anyway, I would tour a few other places as well to be sure the one run by the same organization is the best available where you live. Management and staffing matter hugely in the quality of these places.

Dad's MCF had an affiliated geriatric doctor, geri-psych doctor, podiatrist and hair/nail person who came which made taking him out was rarely needed. My aunt's had a similar set up plus a traveling dentist and optometrist.

HB

MaryMN

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/269285#Comment_269285

She understands and doesn’t want to move, but then it was a huge battle to get her into MC in the first place. How much consideration do I give to those feelings?

H1235

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/269316#Comment_269316

Understanding the simple concept of moving is only part of it. I doubt she would be able to understand how difficult it is for you with her so far away, who may or may not visit, the need for you to be close in case of emergency, how she might adjust. There are a lot of things to think about. This is a complicated decision that you (with good reason) are having trouble making. In my opinion this is not a decision a person with dementia should be involved in. I don’t think they can understand and weigh all that information. Her feelings are important, but there is more to it than that. I sometimes ask myself what I mom might have thought about a situation before she developed dementia. Would she really want you driving that far and putting yourselves through all the extra effort so she could stay there.

harshedbuzz

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/269316#Comment_269316

Consideration of her feelings doesn't change the reality that the situation isn't working. It only serves to make you feel worse.

I wouldn't discuss it. One option might be to make the move by creating a fiblet about "going to lunch", arriving at the new facility, ghost her after the meal and let the staff settle her in. One of the grandkids could oversee the packing of her things once she's moved. When my aunt moved her sister from a SNF in her beloved ME to a MCF nearer her in MA, she hired medical transport to make the move.

HB

caregiving daughter

There were a couple acute episodes my mother had following a uti, etc. I was able to run over to her mc in 15 minutes. I can't imagine needing to deal with a situation like that if I was over an hour away. It is also key that the mc see that there are eyes on the resident. Perhaps if you don't want to move your mil, you could hire a care manager that makes regular visits.

Victoriaredux

And after the move, if you decide to make it, don't be surprised that she may have a set back. The reason you are moving her is because she is having more issues , so its not the move, it's a progressive disease .

Being closer you'll be able to keep better tabs.

[I wouldn't bring it up again, that level of evaluation and decision making is beyond a MC patient- thinking about change is emotional and creates anxiety ].

MaryMN

Thanks everyone for all the helpful comments. I think we're all used to trying to make our loved ones happy and consider their wishes. It's hard to let go of those old habits, but it's definitely time.