Weird tears

ESkayP

My grief is showing up in odd ways. I didn't cry at my mother's visitation. I didn't cry at holiday gatherings. I didn't cry at my own daughter's wedding, even though I know my mother would have loved to be there. I cry, sometimes hysterically, only for the weirdest reasons. I accidentally knocked over a plant she used to have in her MC apartment that I adopted. I saved it, but one of the arms snapped off. I sobbed over that for an hour. I was making dinner and remembered how my mother broke up the ground meat with a fork just like I do. I cried so hard, I couldn't see. I had to ask my daughter to finish it. Then last week, I had a full on tantrum over the linens. I was trying to steam the tablecloths for my daughter's wedding reception, and no matter what I did, the wrinkles came back. I knew my mother would have had a solution. I had a raging fit, literally slammed the door and threw myself onto my bed. I feel like I've been possessed by a teenage girl. I really just wanted to have a good, long cry at some appropriately poetic time, but instead, I keep foolishly coming apart in ugly, petulant ways. Then I'm calm and dry as a bone when tears would be welcome. I know that everyone grieves in different ways, but I'm actually more guarded than usual because I can't trust what might set me off next. Does anyone else have weird triggers?

howhale

You are not alone at all in experiencing unexpected and unusual triggers for your grief. I too "lose it" at unusual moments and often do not realize what was the trigger. It can be a photo, a memory, a smell, an empty seat, the overwhelming silence and loneliness. So many possible triggers but I never know which or when one will hit me. It does cause me to be overly cautious about going out into the public for fear of a breakdown. Your experience is common among us all. Wish I could tell you how to manage or stop it but I have no idea as yet. Staying distracted with tasks, hobbies, work, reading, helps but, of course, once that activity ends I am at risk again.