GRIEF

howhale

Often I write to help myself cope with my grief. A friend shared his feelings regarding the word "gone". He states that it is a word he dislikes and refuses to use in any way, especially to describe our loved one, as in "sorry he/she is gone". I agree with his feelings and hearing it stated openly triggered some thoughts I will share here:

GRIEF

G is for GONE creating a gap that now exists in my heart

A hole so large and unable to be filled

Try as I might there is no closure to come

“G**e”, a four letter word to now hate, a permanence

R is for the REALITY that she is not with us now

Not a dream, a nightmare, the worst nightmare, the truth

It cannot be changed, not be erased, not turned back

But she is still here, in my heart, in my dreams, in my soul

I is for the selfishness “I” felt during the battle

The exhaustion, the stress, the fear of losing

And, yet, it was not I being attacked

Oh, for to return back, just one more moment

E is for EVERYONE who loved and lost her

So many feel the pain, the absence of her touch, her smile

They cry, they pain, they plead for her again

But, alas, we must live with her in our heart, for there she is forever

F is for the FINALITY of the tragedy we endure

A beautiful life ended, her smile no more

But, praise the powers that be

In my heart she is not g**e, but always with me

Grief is the state of feeling that comes from our loss of a piece of our heart. Like a cruel surgeon opening us without anesthetic and carving the most important piece out and leaving us with a gaping wound. It hurts, real pain, it stops us in our tracks unexpectedly, it brings on tears that will flow unabated, and it can stop our breathing, until we tell ourselves to breathe again. Grief touches each uniquely because we are each unique. Grief caused by deep love will never end, never go away, never stop, it may just go into remission, but always there to return. Failing to attend to grief leaves it to direct its’ future path. Survival requires us to find a cooperative place of existence between grief and new life forward. Great love begets deep grief when that source of our great love is stolen away. The longer we watch our great love slip away, bit by bit, day by day, the deeper our grief is rooted. It develops a strong, deep, root system, nourished by our tears, our pain, our sadness. It grows even more quickly, starting when the nourishing source of our great love departs its’ space, growing like a malevolent wildflower. It will overtake our foundation left unchecked. It will undermine our life house foundation bringing it down to rubble. Managing grief is an ongoing process of nourishing that great love in different ways and controlling grief to maintain it in remission, never g**e, just managed. Perhaps grief is not intended to be eliminated. Perhaps it is actually like an alarm, there to sound from time to time, to remind us of our great love source and remind us to remember, love and continue to work to heal.