Mistakes Are Reminders

WIGO23

I have observed that every mistake my DH with ALZ makes causes me an instant wave of sadness because it is a reminder of this disease and the toll it is taking. It reminds me his remaining capabilities are all likely to slip away one by one. It reminds me of all the losses he has already experienced. It reminds me that I have to keep stepping up to fix the mistake when necessary or to be ever vigilant to prevent the mistake that puts him (or both of us) in danger. It reminds me that I can do nothing to stop the mistakes. It reminds me that the person he once was I will never see again.

SDianeL

This disease robs us of so much. It's heartbreaking. We understand. Hugs.

Sunfish47

It’s so true “the person he once was I will never see again.” Sometimes as I drift off to sleep at night, I try to direct my mind to dream of the happy times we had before this disease happened to us. Because I don’t have them anymore in real life. Just trying to live the good times over again in my dreams.

Goodlife2025

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/270150#Comment_270150

I think one of the ways I get through this is to try and not remember her as she was as we face the almost daily changes right now. It is painful to remember so for me it is easier to stay focused on the right now. Itell myself I will let those memories fill me when in stage 8.

AnneO428

Hi WIG023

I get what your says. I have same difficulty. I am always filling my time with trying to find something to do that will make life easier for both of us. New place to live or adopting a dog. And lately I realized that I am filling my time with these things to avoid spending time avoiding time with my husband. Latest is filling time looking at nursing homes for the future when he is not with me. And I am feeling guilty and sad. Does anyone have advice?

WIGO23

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/270159#Comment_270159

What you said resonates with me. I continually try to imagine how we can make this situation better. I try to figure out if we can still travel, should we move, should we join this activity group or that activity group? All the while I don’t reach any decision, fearful of the challenges doing anything brings. So, I take the safer road and stick to our simple routine which is isolating and really rather sad. My husband thrives on the routine of a small world while I feel like I am slowly disappearing into it.

Maru

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75790/mistakes-are-reminders

Your post stuck out to me not only because of what you said but also the date…April 11 was our 67th wedding anniversary. DH's new "trick" is forgetting to look at his calendar and was surprised when I reminded him of the day. I know that I have it so much easier than those of you whose LO is in stage 5+ but, still, to deal with the slow loss of the one you promised for better or worse no matter how many years ago, is painful and frustrating. I want so desperately to help him maintain dignity. I work at not reminding him of his losses but that means me picking up the slack. One of his few "jobs" is the supper dishes. Now, I'm trying to figure out how I can re-do them without his knowing that he isn't getting things clean. It's a small issue, but one more thing lost. And yes, WIG023, another wave of sadness over another small loss. He has his numbers left and I congratulate him when he does well at Sudoku. It will be a really sad day when the numbers go, because he is/was a numbers guy. Celebrate what your LO has left. Look for those moments when you can rejoice what still is.

Ed's mom

I guess I'm still really new here because every post makes me cry. You all really know and understand, but I cry because many of your realities are mine now, and eventually all will be mine, one day and memory at a time. I'm just overwhelmed with sadness.