Mom at my wedding?

Katie S

I would really like my mom to be at my wedding but thinking about the logistics is a lot. She lives in memory care 1 hour from the venue. I would help her with getting ready and getting here there but I’m worried about everything after when I won’t be as available for bathroom help, reorienting, keeping her from wandering off.
My dad will be there but also seeing his siblings all together for the first time in 10 years and my mom no longer has sensical language so there is a lot of interpreting we do for her.
I don’t know if trying to make it happen is going to make the day impossible for me to enjoy. I also know she won’t remember or honestly know what is going on.
we’ve talked about an aide make that could come with her but I am not sure if the facility even offers that.
I am all over the place on this. Any advice is welcomed

lilacgirl

My opinion is, only do this if you definitely can get an aide or a designated family member to take care of her there; your focus should be on enjoying your big day!

April23

If the facility doesn’t offer it, they should be able to recommend an agency that could provide an aide to be with your mom on your special day.

One thing to keep in mind is how she will do in an unfamiliar environment, with an unfamiliar caregiver, in a crowded place with music, talking, DJ, announcements over loudspeaker, etc. Also is the wedding in the evening? That is never the best time for a PWD. Even the one hour drive could be taxing for her. All things to carefully consider.

H1235

As you said she may not even remember it. Do you think she would enjoy it? My mil was brought to my nephews wedding. She was so confused with the crowd, commotion and loud music. I think it really stressed her out. I don’t think it was good for her. Has she been taken out for large family events (Christmas, family reunion)? How did she do with these? I can understand how badly you must want her there, but does it make sense if she won’t remember anyway, you end up stressed over it and it causes her to be more confused than normal. Are you thinking ceremony and reception? Maybe just bring her to the ceremony and hire someone to bring her back before the reception.

Dusty217

My mom was brought to my wedding but only lasted an hour. My sister ended up taking her home and missed most of the reception. We should have gotten a sitter and left her at home. The only great thing was a picture of family with her. If I could do it over, I would go take pictures with her after I dressed and save her the stress and anxiety.

terei

I would arrange having her at the ceremony + then have her taken back to MC after that. There might be someone at the MC who you could hire to do that for you…?

SDianeL

could the facility FaceTime the ceremony for her? I don’t think I would have her attend. PWD don’t do well in unfamiliar environments, loud noises and around strangers. Many caregivers don’t take their loved ones out of the facility for those reasons. She won’t remember the ceremony anyway.

Merla

can she come for just the ceremoney? I would have a professional caregiver bring her for the ceremony. The reception is probably too loud and too late and just too long for her. An aide will not be distracted by other family etc so will be the best for the job of supporting your mom.