Not liking me or DH much these days

JC5

It’s very apparent to me that everything and I mean everything my DH does or doesn’t do these days annoys the heck out of me! Trying to get him to shower or change his clothes or eat a decent meal (and not sweets) is always a battle. I take him out everyday and no matter what we do he complains about something. If I leave him home he complains about that and proceeds to call our children wanting his truck back. He called one daughter 5 times, her husband twice, their son 3 times! On to daughter 2 which he called 14 times consecutively and then my son 7 times!

I can’t stand the way he looks, smells, behaves! I’m tired I’m tired of being nice, understanding, the distraction expert , the newly crowned fiblet queen, the pleasant encouraging person only to get yelled at it’s exhausting! I know I need a break which I get when I take him to adult care 2x a week. He doesn’t like it and calls me several times while he’s there but it’s my only break. It’s heaven - my stomach doesn’t hurt, my head doesn’t hurt but I am exhausted and just want to crawl into bed on those days. Tell me how do you cope, how do you keep going, how do you have a day where you don’t cry? Tks for your advice

Jeff H

I'm sorry you have to go through that. Not that medications are always the answer but there are medications for agitation and anxiety. Is your DH seeing a neurologist?

Andi C

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75862/not-liking-me-or-dh-much-these-days

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I can commiserate with you about the exaustion. It's so hard when you try to do everything the way you think you're supposed to, sometimes I want to throw up my hands and say "I'm outta here". When I get that way, I try really hard to recircle, take a breath and start over again. It doesn't always work, sometimes I just hide away in another room, cry just to get a release and then start again. Know that the people on these message boards totally understand your feelings. I don't have a solution for those times when you feel like you hit the wall, I hope to keep learning as time goes on and reach out to these boards when I'm at the end of my rope.

Sunfish47

I’m so sorry you are going thru this !!! Yes you must get him onto some med to calm him down, for your sake.
YOUR health is the most important at this point. And as the disease progresses he won’t be able to use his phone to call/annoy family members (this eventually happened with my husband).

Russinator

Is placing him in a MCF possible?

WIGO23

Your exhaustion description is spot on and describes caregiver overload. All I can offer is understanding and caring. I have no idea how this is done day after day, year after year. But I am going into year three and still standing.

Michele P

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75862/not-liking-me-or-dh-much-these-days

Can you bring in a caregiver to help him shower and make him a meal? This could be a few hours a day several days a week to give you a break. Maybe he would be more responsive to another person and not argue. I would talk to his neurologist about medication. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of him. Come back here for support.

BPS

In agree that you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of him, but I also know how hard that is because you do care about and for him and a loving commitment is to put the other one first. To put them first you have to be there, and the only way you can be there through this is to get some rest, get a break and take care of yourself. I think even though it is hard to do and we don't always do it that it is taking care of them by taking time for yourself so you can deal with the issues that keep coming up. It is a hard long journey.