A Different Perspective Today

howhale

Almost nine months since I lost my DW to this nightmare disease. Deep in grief now and hard to see a way out of it. Day to day, it is all I can do for now. And then, as I was reflecting on my situation and that of so many others on this forum, a new view of my situation emerged.

I hate being where I am without my DW. But, in a different view I am happy to be here as well. For had I not had a deeply loving relationship with my DW, had I not loved her as life itself, had she not loved me and picked me with whom to spend her life, I would likely not be experiencing the depths of grief as I am.

I am so very lucky to have had her for as long as I did beside me. I hate the grief, but I am so damn happy that she picked me many years ago. I am happy that we loved so deeply and I had the privilege to share that with her. I am happy that I was there to carry her through this nightmare until I held her at her last breath in her own bed where she longed to be. Yes, I have to see that if I had missed all of that love and happiness I would not be bound to the grief today and so I am happy that our love drives me to this painful grief. In time, perhaps, I will crawl out of the darkness but, if I do not, I am still happy that I lived life with her for that gift is what brings me to my place now and gave me joy in life before.

persevere

Howhale, we share a commonality in that my wife picked me too. She actually swept me off my feet and made me into what I became in life which was very gratifying. I really hope you can find some peace. I think you have several avenues such as therapy, traveling, new hobbies, etc. And too, you should not be afraid to try new relationships. Easy for me to say now because I haven’t reached the end yet but life goes on Howhale. You will meet up with her in a different life. Go find someone.

CindyBum

That's so wonderful, howhale. Aren't we the lucky ones still somehow? We got to love and be loved like that!

Hugs

jen ht

@howhale Hi!

I hope you won't mind.

I saw this and it made me think of you.

Especially the parts about your warmth and kindness being parts of how she is woven into your life now. I see that here in how you help us... testament to her continuation.

May we be well 💜

Jen

psg712

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/275918#Comment_275918

Thank you for sharing this Jen. It is beautiful. Though my Christian faith does give me hope for the soul to survive in the afterlife, grief in the here and now cannot be avoided. I appreciate the the encouragement to sit with it and honor the memories of our loved ones. Now that both of my parents are gone and I am older, I recognize how much of them still lives in me.

I was blessed to witness the monks' walk for peace in the town where I live. Hundreds of people lined the streets in silence. It was a deeply spiritual experience.

howhale

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/275918#Comment_275918

Thank you so much for this post. I watched their walk throughout and felt their message as I saw the amazing throngs of people everywhere coming out to see them. Their words carry much meaning for me. Thanks.