Alternatives to MC for later stage Alzheimer’s

dbarrylewis

We recently checked my mother into an MC and are very happy with the activities. But I still wish she were home with us. She still knows all of us. She just gets very confused at times and we took the step because she was having terrible delusions. They seem to have subsided, likely due to all they added activity in her day. They do a great job of making sure she’s clean and active all day and eating healthy.

I’m just considering whether or not we could do something where she could be with us, maybe where she rotates between my sister‘s house my house and with my dad. The delusions were just much too much for him to handle at 86. And full-time nursing is much too expensive. Has anyone had success with other alternatives??

H1235

A simple routine is very important for a person with dementia. I know my mom is less confused in the facility with fewer choices and decisions to make. I think moving your mom between three different homes would cause her so much confusion. Each household will do things a bit differently. The homes themselves are set up differently. She has to go left for the kitchen in one home and right in another, depends are in a cabinet in the bathroom in one home and in a bedroom dresser in the other. I could go on and on. All these little things will cause confusion.

towhee

It would be very confusing for her to rotate between locations, and might make the delusions worse again. If she is doing well where she is I would just visit often.

April23

PWD do best with a routine. You even say that her delusions have subsided and that’s most likely because you placed her somewhere she feels safe and is settling in. This may only improve as she continues to adjust and gets to know her caregivers. Imagine the confusion she would feel being shuffled around and having to re-adjust week to week or month to month. It would be hard on all of you I think.

Give it some time and you may find she’s happier than ever before. Right now you are feeling guilt and sadness which is normal. But remember that you placed her because her behaviors were already too much to handle at home and that doesn’t get better, unfortunately.

It sounds like you found a place where she will be well cared for and happy and you can all sleep at night knowing she’s safe and can focus on bringing her joy while others do the caregiving.

harshedbuzz

@dbarrylewis

Your mom is doing as well as she is because of the care she is getting where she is now. Behavior is communication. I can appreciate that can be hard to see professionals succeed where family struggled. You have clearly chosen well; she's benefiting from the dementia-informed structure and routine as well as dementia trained and experienced staff.

Splitting her care among 3 households is probably the worst option as it would be hard to maintain the routine she needs now. Even if you were to keep her in the marital home with each caregiver coming to her (dad could stay at your place), the differences in approach would be disregulating.

HB

dbarrylewis

I was too quick to type earlier and didn’t realize all the grammatical errors! Thank you for reading and responding!

I should’ve added my mother is doing well at the facility but she’s also very homesick. It’s her second week and she’s often very sad and sometimes sitting by herself looking tearful. She also had very good times! She’s going on field trips and involved in activities, but she misses my dad so much and doesn’t understand why she’s there. Our plan is to give it six more weeks, but just looking at a Plan B alternative if she continues to be sad.

Is six weeks too long or long enough to see if she becomes more comfortable there?

Thank you so much for the feedback!

April23

I would give it longer, more like 3 months. Just remember that she will probably still be unsettled at your house, your sister’s, etc., that’s just the nature of the disease. She will never understand why she’s elsewhere, nor will she understand her limitations and the complexity of her care. Stability, routine and safety have to be placed above happiness, unfortunately.

AmandaF

As the others have said, the facility sounds like a a great fit for her, and it's likely her behaviors improved because she's feeling safe and stable. It's ok for her to sometimes feel sad about the situation - dementia is sad. As for timeline, it took my mom about four months to adjust.