Coming to peace with Hospice

tonyac2

Last months I posted about ESBL and Hospice. I wrestled for quite awhile about deciding to place my DH on hospice. Many things became clear to me which made the decision more manageable for me. I struggled mightily with the thought I would be killing my husband if I didn’t continue to chase any and all treatments. I finally realize: 1. I’m asking his body and mind to fight something it is no longer able to do. The infections are closer together. The recoveries are shorter. The “bounce back” isn’t what it used to be.
2. The days of his life were never in my hands, they’re in God’s hands. I need to let go.
3. I’m not letting go because I don’t love him enough. I’m letting go because I love him too much to keep putting him through things that aren’t helping anymore.

One last thought that helped me decide on hospice. “I’m trying to delay his passing, but at the same time, it’s prolonging his pain and suffering.” I think that one was the clincher for me.

My DH has been on in-home hospice for two weeks and we’re taking it one day at a time during this part of the journey and I have the peace I needed to take this step with him.

CindyBum

We understand.

Hugs.

blacksparky

I feel the same way as you described. We’re not yet at the point you are at now but will be probably sooner than later. You mentioned that you didn’t want to prolong your DH’s suffering and that is out of love. You didn’t mention about not wanting to prolong your suffering. We all caregivers are suffering too. Thank you for the great words you have offered us.

Jgirl57

Thank you for sharing your clarity with us. ((( HUGS))) Your perspective is so very helpful.

jgreen

May God watch over you and your DH, @tonyac2

persevere

You made the right choice. You are showing him more love by bringing in hospice than anything else you could do. Comfort above all else - for both of you.

BPS

My wife has been on hospice for about 6 months now. I understand the feelings you described. Hospice is a scary word because of all the stories we have head. Once you except that the decision is what is best for them, that they wouldn't want to live like this if they were cognitively able to choose so keeping them comfortable and as happy as possible and letting them go is a hard gift to give but it is the gift they deserve. We may want them to stay but it is a very non selfish decision to let them go on their schedule.

SDianeL

beautifully said. Your comments here will help so many. The most loving and selfless thing we can do for our loved one is to let them go. Praying for you both. 🙏💜

tonyac2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/271500#Comment_271500

Thank you @SDianeL You helped me a lot when you shared about your DH getting aspiration pneumonia and the decision not to treat it. Your comment stuck with me for days, and then I finally saw the love behind it once I sorted out all the noise from, “I’m killing my husband if I don’t get him treatment!”

Russinator

((HUGS))

marier

I so needed to hear this message. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I am sending you hugs and prayers .

Maru

Your post really hit home. We are not yet in your situation, but am struggling with which meds and which treatments to allow, trying to figure out which are for comfort and which will prolong life. I can only imagine how difficult it will be when it is time for hospice. May you be at peace with your decisions.

White Crane

Hugs