Dementia and gardening

Aussie26

My SO has severe dementia, communicating with them is extremely difficult as 5 minutes after you think he understands he does the complete opposite. Throughout winter he decided everything in the garden needed pruning as a consequence several plant collections have been destroyed. Now with spring he believes everything needs watering 2-3 times daily and already the containerized hosta collection that has taken years to assemble is showing signs of rotting due to over watering. Ive tried turning off water taps, putting away garden tools, particullarly pruners and have not been successful. Any suggestions welcomed or do I just accept that the plant collections we have assembled over the years and represent significant investments are doomed for the compost heap and that lawn may be the only survivor.

dancsfo

I'm afraid there's very little you can do. I'm sorry your plants are dying.

I'd recommend trying to guide your SO towards some other activities that may be distracting and potentially more enjoyable, and hope that your garden can survive without your SO's damaging activities. Maybe you can provide some bags of soil and some empty pots and ask your SO to fill them up, and that would be harmless. Then you can empty the pots and your SO can start over. That may work if PWD's loop is 5 minutes. You may need to have several harmless tasks ready, in case your SO gets bored.

I can speculate that your SO has some vestiges of memories of gardening and is attempting to perform some "pretend gardening". I guess you can just allow it to happen if it brings to the PWD some sense of self-worth or satisfaction, but if the plants die, it may cause some grief and your SO may become upset. I think one of the dementia caregiving rules is to "avoid failure", and in this case, it's going to be a slow garden failure, as opposed to say, dropping a bowl of soup due to lack of coordination, which is a sudden failure. But both can be distressing failures.

On a positive note, at least the ruining of the garden does not cause injury or harm (other than to the plants). Attempts to use power-tools, for example, is a lot worse and dangerous.

MN Chickadee

My mother was an avid gardener and had gorgeous perennial beds that she tended to for decades. Once Alzheimer's set in she started doing all kinds of weird stuff with them. Eventually she started to pull up all the plants "to grow crops." This was nonsensical but we couldn't talk her out of it. The indoor houseplants also died from being watered 4 times a day. The perennial beds are long gone now. We just couldn't reason with her, and it was not a battle worth fighting. Just getting through the day, getting her to shower and change clothes those were the kinds of things we had to actually care about. You're on the right track to put the tools out of sight and turn off the water but it sounds like that isn't enough. The only thing I can think of is to find more for him to do outside the home so he doesn't have as much time to get bored and mess around in the yard. Do you have any adult day programs near you? (like adult daycare.) This kept my mother pretty busy, although weekends were still a problem. I'm not sure there is more you can do as long as he is at home. The list of things we lose and grieve in the dementia journey is so long. It's not fair, and I'm sorry all your hard work and money on the garden is being destroyed. This disease is so unfair.

Maru

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75945/dementia-and-gardening

I understand how frustrating that is. We have a similar situation, although not involving plants/landscaping. I am learning to let things go. It is frustrating to see things destroyed that we can no longer afford to replace. I remind myself that they are only things and, as irritating as DH's careless behavior is, somewhere in there is the man I chose to live with for better or for worse. I'm living with a toddler who still appears to be an adult male.

H1235

Could you a lot a special area or spot just for him? But then he may be insulted, thinking it’s all his garden anyway. This stuff is so tough in so many ways.

Victoriaredux

Maybe get a tool closet with a lock and put everything that prunes or cuts in it . There are also outside locking faucet locks.

Look up "outdoor faucet lock box" and "locking garden tool cabinet." For about $200 you can block some of the major damage.

A bike lock cable with a combo lock can lock mowers etc to a sturdy hook in a garage wall stud.

Not inexpensive but redoing a garden is a lot more than $200.