Needing to vent - progression - sorry in advance for the length

shiawase12

Hi everyone,

After a 2 1/2week trip to Japan with my stage 5 (I think) DH we're trying to get back into a routine.

I've been reading other posts here since my return, but after finding that I've been sort of ignoring my old routine of documenting his behaviors and progression I felt coming here and venting might help reset me a bit.

He is still able to take care of his daily hygene and even initiates projects around the house, but I've noticed that he wants me to help him or "do it with me" more often than not.

Installation of a Generac generator was tiring for me as I had to reexplain to him what they told me. Of course he never quite understood. Nor could he understand the different permit required inspections that came after - lumped it all together as the installer being a bit incompetent. <sigh>

Then came wanting to install a bidet toilet seat which required turning a plug from the hallway around to the bathroom. At first he agreed having an electrician do it would be best. Then I find he decided he could do it. Something that would have been easy for him in the past. After almost a full day of me "helping him" I had to resort to crying and telling him it was too much for me, that it scared me and that I really wanted to call an electrician to finish it. Thank goodness he's still always wanting to make me happy. It took the electrician just an hour to finish it. <phew>

Tomorrow a neighbor is coming over to help him do a little concrete work to finish our garden area. I had to go behind his back to text the neighbor, explain the situation and ask him to just offer to do it with him when we borrowed his mixer. Thank goodness for kind neighbors!

He now uses his laptop less and less. Glances at email, scrolls thru FB and plays two games on his phone.

He brings in the mail, but usually just hands it to me.

I guess I'm lucky in some ways. He told me himself he wasn't comfortable driving any more and that we should sell his truck. That was a while ago so I need to get that done.

He also said he can't do the astrophotography he used to do and that we should sell all of that equipment. That will be quite the task to do since it's so specialized. Telescopes, a mini observatory etc.

I'm not positive what stage he's in really. As I said in the subject line, I think early or mid stage 5. He still is aware he has Alz and lately gets angry/frustrated more when he can't do things. Has even had days where he seems quite depressed over it.

Not even sure if checking in with the doctor would help. She isn't a geriatric specialist and I guess I'm putting off all the preexplaining, explanations that I would need to do before an appointment. Also not so sure i want to try medication(s) for him as he hadn't been one that can wait, understand while we try and find the right doses in the past. He thinks after taking something once or twice he should have the benefits is supposed to give. Don't think I have the energy for all that.

One thing that gets to me is how he tells me it's hard to talk to me because he feels pressured to do it right with me. Which he says causes him to stumble on words more. That he can talk just fine with others (always talks about conversations with neighbors where I wasn't around) is always " I love you dearly, but you .." ughhh! Half the time he never had those conversation with others!

I could go on and on, but I've gone on enough. I really need to get my act together and get some counseling sessions for myself.

Thanks for listening. Hope you're all doing ok and taking care of yourselves even in some small ways each day. 💞

tonyac2

Sorry @shiawase12, all I can say is that this disease is exhausting for both. My nervous system has learned to always be dialed up - waiting for what’s next. My DH can no longer stand/walk, so the things he can get into are limited. He wheels around the house, and occasionally carries things from one room to another and we play hide-n-go seek with them, that’s about it.
Your experience with him not wanting to drive is a blessing, glad you won’t have to climb that mountain. As he progresses, medication for behavior management is going to become a real thing. Crush the pills and put them in his food so he doesn’t know he’s taking them. That’s fair for both of you. Get counseling. This journey has changed me in so many ways, I talk to someone once a month to take the edge off. Take care.