Looking for advice -caregiver for father with Alzheimer's

schmidty

Hi all! I've been struggling lately with taking care of my father who has stage 5 Alzheimer's and vascular dementia. I've been his primary caregiver for the past 3 years. It's taking a toll on me that he is not remembering me recently. We were very close prior to the Alzheimer's diagnosis. Looking for advice on how to handle the situation emotionally and mentally. He is 72 with many medical issues. I am his youngest daughter of 3, aged 37, taking care of him. Any advice would be great!

Jeff H

Hello and welcome to this forum. This is a great place to ask questions and vent as needed.
I'm sorry about your dad's diagnosis.

Can any of your siblings pitch in and provide relief for you?
Do you have Power of Attorney for financial and health established? If not, I would recommend contacting an elder law attorney in your area to help with that. They may also be able to assist you with getting a waiver for the waitlist for Medicaid benefits.

It's a tough battle we are all in, but you are not alone.

schmidty

Hey Jeff, thanks for your response.

I do have one sibling nearby but because she has children and I don't, she is very much unavailable. I do the majority of check ins and doctor appointments.

I do have power of Attorney and have assistance from our local clsc ( for medication and insulation ) but they are quite inconsistent.

The toughest part is losing my dads's personality. He was my best friend. His Alzheimer's progressed very quickly and he is a shell of himself now. Not sure if you guys experienced anything similar .

persevere

Try using care.com. You will find people in your local area who are reasonably priced and have had background checks performed. I have been successful in finding good help. My wife is in stage 7 Alzheimer’s. Also have hospice come out and evaluate him to see if he qualifies. They are very liberal in their qualifications process. This is a life saver.

harshedbuzz

@schmidty

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place.

Medically, there is nothing that is going to "fix" this. If your dad becomes agitated by someone he doesn't know in his home, then medication would be indicated. This is a common enough symptom and yet sometimes a PWD will not remember their caregiver's role prior to dementia, they still may feel safe and attached to the person.

Sometimes this can be helped by introducing yourself as you enter a room by saying something like "Hi dad your daughter is here". Awkward but oddly helpful for many.

Emotionally, a therapist might be useful to you. What you're struggling with is ambiguous grief— mourning someone who is no longer "them" while their body lives on. It would be helpful to work on your anger as well. Dementia care unravels families when the workload feels unbalanced or when goals for care are different. If you were previously close to your sibs, exploring how you feel may help you after.

That said, you mention "checking in"; does that mean dad is living alone and unsupervised in late stage 5/moderately severe dementia? If so, he likely needs placement or 24/7 supervision.

HB

SDianeL

welcome. So sorry about your Dad. Unfortunately it’s very common for people with dementia to not recognize their loved ones. I believe they still know you are someone they love and who loves them. I did introduce myself when I went to visit my DH in MC. If that doesn’t work get in his world and fib if you must. Hugs. 💜