Any guys have have the HHA lady hit on them - How did you handle?

elhijo

Hello,

I am a single man in his late 40s who is caring for his mom with dementia. My mom is now bed-bound and I need help to assist with her.

I've had different home health agencies over the years and I live in a very pricey area. We're not moving, not feasible nor can we afford it.

So, I'm stuck with what I can get as far as home health aides. Many don't live around here and refuse to drive 1 hr in city traffic to get to me. Not saying there aren't any aides near me, but they are few and far between. That's the backdrop.

I'm with a new agency now that has sent about 3 home health aides. One was a young lady who tried to kiss me and then apologized the following day. I uh, thought that kiss was going to turn into something else as I was sitting when she did it. This was quite jarring. As the days went by she sensed I wasn't interested kind of got an attitude. Eventually she quit as she said she found a better paying job and we parted ways amicably but thing weren't the same before the come on's.

This new one is an older lady who seemed ok at first but I noticed that whenever she would approach me she would brush her boobies against me. The lady is not Dolly Parton so she would need to make an effort to do this I would think. This past week she asked me to measure her waist as she said she had lost a lot of weight and it caught me off guard. She lifted her scrub and I saw her skin/waist. She also seemed to get somewhat jealous when the nurse would come to do my mom's weekly treatments. She didn't say anything but the way she looked at the nurse read 'I don't like you'. Might have been she felt excluded from the conversation as she doesn't speak English but I don't think so.

From life experience, unrequited affection never turns out well. The person who is shot down usually gets bitter or snappy. In a normal situation, that person would just move on with their lives. But these are Home Health Aides, who are here in my house day-in and day-out. I work from home so it's not like I leave when they're here.

So how to handle? I could talk to the owner of the agency but uh staff member sort of made an advance (it was a guy) one time when he came to treat my mom. I downplayed it and always treated him as a guy and never had any weird situations again from him again. It's South Florida so it's a different world than more conservative areas.

I'm not even a good looking guy. I guess these persons are drawn to my good-naturedness and see how much I care for my mom -which I do. And that makes them fall in love. That true or ?

And I live in South Florida where there a lot of immigrants from the Caribbean. They seem to have a very lax attitude towards sexuality compared to Americans and persons who aren't from the Caribbean. I myself was brought up somewhat conservative. And out of financial necessity this is the population that is drawn to HHA jobs. So this might be cultural but still.

Any men here gone through something similar and how did you handle?

Thanks

sandwichone123

There are some folks in health care that are hoping to find someone. If you can afford home health, you'd be very attractive indeed to people who are providing personal care. It's not about your looks. I think you're doing as well as you can, "not getting it," brushing it off if it gets more obvious, and letting the person move on if it hurts their feelings.

There are a lot of reasons that people have trouble finding good caregivers. If they're not working out, ask the agency to send someone else—you don't have to add fending off caregivers to your list of responsibilities. You don't have to specify why they're not working out. But you can try communicating very directly, "please make a little more space, I don't like being touched." Some of the personal bubble issues may be cultural.