Grandchildren's visit - should they stay elsewhere?

shiawase12

I'm here again for advice and thoughts.

My DH is in stage 5, still able to care for himself, but conversations are increasingly difficult as he struggles for words. Yet sometimes it's ok.

My main concern at the moment is that he does best in a very quiet atmosphere. He usually can not place sounds in the background like the fridge iice maker clinking, a neighbor's door closing etc. It's always "What was that??!"

Often when I'm preparing dinner he feels I'm being excessively noisy even though I'm taking extra care not to make noise.

The other day he got so aggitated/angry at me because he was playing a game on his phone and I got a cat toy out of the drawer and played with the cat. It disrupted his focus enough for him to get angry very quickly. He stormed out of the room and couldn't calm down for a while even after we chatted about it and I apologized.

I feel like I'm tiptoeing around him alot now. Trying to be extra quiet, trying not to move around too musomething. Is focused on sonething.

My oldest son's family is planning to visit in August (which they've done numerous times before). They have a now 10 yr old and a 5 yr old. Not only are the boys typical boys, my daughter-in-law is naturally loud.

I'm thinking I need to make other arrangements for their stay while here so they aren't staying in the house as it would probably be too disruptive. They usually stay about a week.

I know if I were to ask my DH he would say "Of course they can stay here! Why wouldn't they?"

How would you handle this?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

harshedbuzz

It doesn't sound as though your DH would enjoy houseguests. Many PWD are jealous of anyone who distracts their primary caregiver's attention away from them. Many, even those who spent their careers working with children, can't tolerate or appreciate them at a certain point in the disease process.

Put them up in a nice hotel with a pool if you can afford it. Before hand, have a candid conversation about what you've shared here with your DS and DIL. If money is a concern, they may want to shorten the visit or have the son visit solo.

If they do come, perhaps your DS could visit with dad while you visit the grands and DIL at the hotel. If the visit with DS goes well, perhaps you could introduce one child at a time and see how that goes.

HB

trottingalong

That’s a tough one. And a week is a long time for someone with dementia to have their life routines altered. For you it’s a doubled edged sword. Probably would be wonderful to have them in the house visiting but at the same time you may end up being a nervous wreck. Your description of your husband makes me think it has the possibility of going south quickly. Have a conversation with your son about your husbands current behaviors and tell him about your concerns. Maybe a backup plan on somewhere near to stay.

jfkoc

Hotel with pool sounds good. If they stay at the house have plan B in place.

shiawase12

Thanks everyone.

I think I already know what would be best. Just having a hard time adjusting to it.

Appreciate the back up. :)

As always, glad to have this site and the understanding from all of you. 💕

KDSG

Hi,

I have a similar problem. I love to host holiday gatherings but Easter this year was very stressful because I was trying to get things ready and he was constantly asking me to sit with him. I think next time I am going to ask people to distract him. He becomes very clingy when others are around.

H1235

I think you made a good decision. Is there a room in your house your husband could comfortably escape to if the visits get too overwhelming? Maybe an office or den with a tv to keep him occupied and drown out unwelcome noises. Would outside time be less stressful for him with them all there? I would try to think of a few ways to give him some relief. I’m sure you want to spend as much time with them as you can. I hope the visit goes well.

Jeff H

Motel…

Sunfish47

I think your grandkids are just too young right now to not be disruptive to the routine and noise level of your house. If they were a few years older and usually on their devices with headphones, it could work.

Our grandkids are a bit older (12 and two 14 year olds) and they visit with headphones to not disturb PopPop, cuz they’re old enough to understand the situation. Yes they will laugh a bit when he adds nonsensical comments to conversations or acts quirky, but they seem to be old enough to be learning patience.

Victoriaredux

You may want to discuss adding a mild med with his Doctor since he is exhibiting some anger/aggression. Tap it down now for safety. Your health can suffer doing the tip-toe and anticipatory tip-toe just living a normal domestic life. His complaints aren't logical- they come from his brain not functioning as it did before.