More clothing struggles

pjasso

I had mentioned earlier my mom doesn't wear any new clothes, bought since ALZ diagnosis 3 years ago. She constantly asks for new clothes, I take her shopping, she tries and chooses, we buy, she never wears. This group mentioned buying same/similar and also taking online bought clothes with us for her to try in dressing room, having her think I got them off the rack. So we just did all this, and now "everything is too big" (she says). I even got her the exact brand, style and color of her favorite jeans. She said they were perfect yesterday (they were) and this morning she texted that they were huge and won't keep them. She desperately wants and needs clothes- but it is IMPOSSIBLE. I spend so much time on this impossible endeavor. I know it is classic dementia behavior— I almost want her to progress to the stage where she won't know better! That is a sad wish. 😥

H1235

Could you slowly make the old clothes disappear. My mil had a favorite cardigan sweater she wore so much you could practically see through it. My sil had to take it out of her room. I know that’s not easy either. My mom would not stand for me going through her things. You may need to get someone to distract her (maybe even take her to lunch) while you go through everything to see what she has and what she needs. I suggested to my mom that we go through her pants together to figure out what she needs. It did not work. She snapped at me and said already know what I need you wont listen. If you know of one pair that fit her well, you could compare others to them. If the ones she has are still in good shape and she just needs more, you might have to just give up and just let her wear the same few pairs over and over. If she dislikes that enough maybe she will decide to try the new ones. If she continues to complain, kick the can down the road. I have given up on pants for mom. I think she has what she needs and I’m just not going to go along with it anymore. She is so picky! I started just changing the subject or put her off and and she hasn’t mentioned new pants in a while. It should not have to be that hard.

pjasso

Thanks, I will consider removing maybe an old pair of pants at a time . . . thanks! She goes down to the dining room at 4:45, which is the block of time I use to go into her apartment if needed. I live 1/2 mile away, so it's close

H1235

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/273270#Comment_273270

I am alway petrified mom could walk in on me going through her things. She would be very very mad! Going through someone’s stuff behind their back just doesn’t feel right. I guess it’s just one of the many uncomfortable things we need to get used to. My mil was more dazed and confused in a very pleasant kind of way. It definitely made things easier.

pjasso

Agreed! It is very uncomfortable. Can I ask you what your MIL personality was like before become "dazed and confused"? My mom has always been feisty, and had a temper when her expectations weren't met. So her dementia systems are a reflection of that. But when she isn't frustrated, my mom's demeanor is very sweet now, simple and childlike, but sweet, but when she gets frustrated- watch out!

caregiving daughter

If your mom finds peace going on a shopping trip, perhaps try resale shops. Doing so would be an afternoon activity out of the house and the financial impact would be minimal.

eaglemom

Something else that you might try is having items 'vanish' while in the laundry. I don't know if you do her laundry or the facility, but each load one or two items not coming back to the room might work.

eagle

H1235

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/273353#Comment_273353

Mil was always confident, never loud, kind, never seen her mad and always submissive to what my fil wanted. With dementia I think she accepted and went along with whatever she was told. My mom was always the one in charge at our house. She has always been judgmental and a bit of a perfectionist, although I would not describe her as having a temper. She has never really been a trusting person (always skeptical of people). I would say all these personality traits have been amplified with dementia. I have often wondered about the connection between personality before dementia and after. From what I have seen the decision maker or more dominant personality in a marriage seems to be the person with dementia that tends to be more difficult.

pjasso

I once listened or read about a young women with an almost certain future of ALZ due to some markers she had. She was young, like her 30s and she said she was developing into and practicing becoming a personality that her caregivers were going to love! She was learning some new hobbies like knitting because she knew she would need to have something to keep her hands busy and she was perfecting her personality to be a "well-liked person". She said it is easier for caretakers to take good, loving care of you if you are like-able and a bit more of a challenge if not- it makes sense. They are human after all! My mom has always had a challenging personality! But in a way, the majority of her days are very pleasant, but when she blows, her personality is clearly there!

MimiDIL

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/76124/more-clothing-struggles

MimiDIL

i just read this. We’re having the same problem with my MIL. There’s a lot in her life she believes she is doing (laundry, exercise, cleaning). And I know this is her reality. Part of her other reality is that she is a size 00. She truly was pre-Alzheimer’s. Extremely fit, petite, exercised all the time. But know she is eating at the rate she was…and craves sweet foods. She has gained weight. She is not huge by any stretch…but a size 2-4 for sure. We have bought pants, jeans, capris to size since she is having trouble zipping the ones she has. But she won’t wear the new because she says it’s too big…even though she tried it on prior to purchase. I’m at a loss since she pretty well has to wear Depends all the time and the extra bulk makes her pants extremely difficult to put on…plus her Depends are showing. Hiding clothes is next to impossible since she was a clothes horse. If anything, she’s hiding the new in the old clothes which allows her to go back to tried and true outfits.

pjasso

Exactly THIS! My mom too has gained weight (she too craves sweets) and is a size or more larger. I had to go in when she wasn't there and I cut out the size tags in her pants and in the new pair. If she sees she is in a larger size, she won't wear saying, "It is too big". That is only one factor- she won't wear ANYTHING new, even though she wants and buys new clothes and shoes- they are not familiar and she won't wear them. I keep telling her she is going to be going naked soon!