Just need to vent

lori1308

My DH can’t accept that he has Alzheimer’s. Everyday things are getting harder for him and when I try to help or think of things to make ie easier for him and it doesn’t work I get yelled at and so does God. He refuses medication to help him so I feel like I am at a loss. Thank you for letting me vent.

jgreen

Hi @lori1308 Vent here all you need. A wonderful group you can count on.

One of the huge symptoms that us caregivers have to come to grips with is called anosognosia - the inability to understand/recognize impaired cognitive abilities. It means they will never accept their diagnosis because they physically can’t.

My best advice is to first see if you need to step in and if your DH is able to do things safely (but slowly) on his own, respect that. If you do feel the need to step in, then say things like ‘I would like to help you with that. May I?’

As for the meds, if he takes other medications for blood pressure, cholesterol, etc, tell him ‘the doctor ordered this for your…..’. If he doesn’t take meds, perhaps you can crush and put in applesauce or ice cream. Check with pharmacy or doctor first about crushing pills. Some cannot be crushed.

Hope this helps. Hugs to you. This is a tough role we are all ‘starring in’!

jfkoc

He does not need to "accept". It is your job as caregiver to work in the background. Not to worry, ..there are lots of resources out there for you to learn how to do a good job. Plus, there are studies that indicate that non-medical care is as good as and often better then drugs.

The people here have a wealth on info to share too so post often…

H1235

My mom refused medication for anxiety. I waited a week and told her the doctor had prescribed a new vitamin for her. She took it without question. Mom wants to finish a quilt she started years ago. She is very angry I won’t bring her the sewing machine. I doubt she could thread the machine let alone finish a quilt. She is angry with me, but I think that’s better than the frustration and disappointment she would experience if I did bring her the sewing machine. Honestly, even if I brought her the sewing machine she would probably find a way to blame me for her inability to finish the quilt. It’s often a no win situation. If he wants to do something he is not capable of, do it yourself or hire it done. When he complains apologize and tell him you were just trying to be helpful and you didn’t realize it was something he wanted to do. I would do everything you can to avoid these challenging activities. Keep it out of sight and don’t ever bring it up in conversation. With any luck he will forget about it. You will always be wrong, it’s hard to get used to.

Anosognosia and Dementia - AgingCare.com.pdf

Maru

Great advice given. I just want to add this little bit. Let him do those things he wants then silently go behind his back and get them done correctly. I have to do this for my DH when he washes the dishes. That advice does not hold for financial things. Finances are too important to leave in the hands of someone whose cognitive abilities have diminished.