Advice on Handling Drinking and Dementia

wilkins57 · June 17

I have been trying to eliminate whiskey from the diet of my HWD, but it just seems to cause problems between he and I. I don’t mind him drinking beer or wine, but he has gone overboard regularly in the past when he starts drinking whiskey. He only drinks in the evening. We have poured 4 large bottles of whiskey down the drain over the last several months after I confronted him with it. He has reduced the amount he was drinking prior to his diagnosis, but still drink’s more than the two-2 ounce drinks I’ve read is “okay” . I thought we had agreed that he wouldn’t buy whiskey anymore, but he hid a bottle in the basement and has been going downstairs to drink it. I walked in on him taking a drink directly from the whiskey bottle and it really upset me. When I confronted him, he turned it around on me and accused me of watching him all the time. We had an argument about it with me stating that if I didn’t care about it I wouldn’t say anything and would just let him drink. I told him I was sorry when he said he felt I was watching him. I said that I wouldn’t like that if I was in his position. I think I’m overreacting to the whiskey; he’s not drinking anywhere near the amount he was prior to his diagnosis, I’m just scared he’ll start abusing it again. I’ve told him I won’t be bringing it up anymore. I feel like it damages our relationship. I’m not sure what to do about this. It has been mentioned before that he shouldn’t be driving with his dementia diagnosis, but the state we live in doesn’t require that until the Neurologist contacts the authorities. Honestly, he’s still at the stage where his driving is good. I appreciate any advice. Thank you.

persevere · June 17

Hey Wilkins, sorry to hear you’re having a difficult time of it. But you don’t really say what happens if he drinks too much. you said you read where he shouldn’t drink more than 2 2 oz drinks. You also said you don’t mind if he drinks beer and wine, both of which can give a good buzz if you drink enough. And all that good whiskey down the drain. Ooo no. Anyway, not trying to be rude here but does he get out of control or mean? If he’s on any sedative type meds that’s reason enough to get him to slow down. As a male caretaker for my wife I enjoy my crown royal from time to time. We can all handle different levels.

easy23 · June 17

I'm sorry for your problem and can sympathize. Drinking and dementia do not mix at all. My DH used to sneak drink vodka and I'd wonder why he wasn't making any sense. His dementia was much worse while he was drinking and I wound up placing him in MC to get him out of the house and away from alcohol. He stayed there 5 weeks and then was able to come home because he was sober and so much improved. Once home, I didn't allow any alcohol in the house. He didn't drive so he couldn't run out to the store. I was with him 24/7.

Today, 6 years later, his dementia has progressed to stage 7. I don't think I could have stayed with him if he continued drinking. Actually, it probably would have killed him either through an accident or liver issues.

I don't know what the solution is to your problem, but I think you did the right thing pouring the alcohol down the drain. Maybe his doctor can speak to him about his drinking. In the meantime, you don't have to accept that he is drinking. Keep reaching out - we're here for you!

wilkins57 · June 17

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/275084#Comment_275084

Thank you for your comments. I’m sorry you are going through this as well. It is hitting me hard tonight. As hard as it is for me, I try to remember how much worse it is for him.

wilkins57 · June 17

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/275077#Comment_275077

Thanks for your perspective. He’s not taking any sedative type medications but is on an antidepressant.

In retrospect I see that I wasn’t very clear and was relying on previous posts to tell the story. I’ve gone through several years of him passing out on the couch at 6 pm most nights. At that time he was drinking the largest bottle of whiskey (not sure how many ounces it is but know it’s the large one) and replacing it once a week. He was experiencing alcohol-related health issues related to his heart and gastrointestinal problems. Other friends and family members also commented on his drinking and suggested he was overdoing it. The problem with whiskey is that in the past he hasn’t known when to stop. I don’t want either of us to go through that again and I’m worried and scared. I’ve read that alcohol, especially the hard liquors, exacerbates dementia and speeds up the decline which is even more frightening to me. Seeing him take a big swig directly from the bottle of whiskey he had hidden in the basement really triggered me. I also felt bad that he thought he had to hide it from me. My fear may be making me overreact; I’m leaning toward letting it go for now at least and hoping for the best. It’s just too hard to keep having this argument.

easy23 · June 17

I just read your previous posts from 2025. You are living what I went through. You can't stop the drinking if your DH is still able to shop for alcohol. Watering down the alcohol is helpful. Try not to argue. Be stealthy.

At the time, my husband's psychiatrist said he may be drinking to cope with the dementia changes that are going on in his brain. It's a vicious cycle. I took my DH to the ER on several occasions; they didn't do anything for him. The doctors seemed disgusted that he was an alcoholic and had dementia. One told me to leave him. I couldn't do that.

You might benefit from getting some therapy for yourself to help you cope. Take care of yourself first.

harshedbuzz · June 17

@wilkins57

Hi again.

I am sorry you are still dealing with this situation. A couple of thoughts—

Have you discussed his drinking with the neurologist? If the doc knows your DH has an alcohol use disorder and is still driving, he may be more proactive about reporting him to the DMV.

That said, if he's no longer driving, he can't buy alcohol. IME, this did not make the alcohol issue go away. Instead, it put my mom in the unenviable position of alcohol police. Dad's baseline was unpleasant-agitated, denying him alcohol ramped him up to aggression bordering on violent.

IMO, addressing this problem would be very dependent on your DH's stage of dementia and thoughts on treatment. If he's early stages and treating aggressively with infusions, I'd insist on abstinence. If he's further along in the disease progression, then it becomes more of a quality-of-life issue in the context of a terminally ill person. In certain instances, it could even create an exit ramp of sorts.

Are your DH's meds managed by a geriatric psychiatrist? I wonder if it would be useful to talk about medication to dial back his craving and consumption of alcohol. Dad's geripsych prescribed Wellbutrin to address his apathy; it didn't help that but it did lessen his need to drink and actual consumption. A few folks I know have reported success with GLP-1 (semaglutide specifically) to help them lessen their drinking. UPenn is doing a study on this currently.

Another option is placement. It's expensive, but it would be a place with little to no access.

HB

FYI—

A standard shot is 1.5 oz. When he was drinking a handle a week that would work out to 5-6 drinks/night.

Most docs consider types of alcoholic drinks to be equivalent— there really isn't a least bad alcohol. A cocktail, glass of wine and standard beer are all pretty much the same in terms of ABV.

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/05/20/well/eat/health-effects-of-alcohol-wine-beer-liquor.html?unlocked_article_code=1.q1A.9VBb.sihOMH-7aHJE&smid=url-share

Maru · June 17

I totally understand where you are coming from. My DH also has a history with alcohol and how i react now is strongly influenced by that history. My DH no longer drives, so I control what is brought into the house. Latest studies say that NO amount of alcohol is safe when it comes to brain health. That said, you have to pick your battles. If you can find a way to limit your LO's intake that would be great.

wilkins57 · June 17

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/275096#Comment_275096

Thank you. I have considered therapy for myself and think it would be a good idea. I don’t know how to communicate effectively with him regarding his drinking and feel like I’m doing more harm than good when I argue with him. Thank you for understanding and advice.

wilkins57 · June 17

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/275104#Comment_275104

Thank you for your insight. You are correct that he was drinking 5 or 6 drinks of whiskey a night and sometimes a couple of beers along with that. He has definitely cut back from what he was drinking previously, I’m just worried he’s headed back down that road. His Neurologist is working with insurance to get him into infusion therapy for Kisunla. I’m already the alcohol police and I’m tired of it. I’m considering counseling for myself to better deal with this. Possibly the Wellbutrin would be helpful.

wilkins57 · June 17

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/275108#Comment_275108

Thank you for your comments and understanding.

harshedbuzz · June 17

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/275114#Comment_275114

It's not good to mix the two, so you'd need to reduce his alcohol intake.

GLP-1's would be my first choice especially now that they come in pill form.

persevere · June 17

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/275088#Comment_275088

I certainly have a better understanding now. Yes, this sounds like a serious problem. If he still has enough cognitions maybe AA. Regardless, i hope you find a solution