Angry and argumentative vs quiet and accepting

H1235

I have often wondered why one person with dementia will become angry and argumentative while another seems to just seems a bit confused and tends to accept limitations without much concern. Do you think it could be related to their personality type before dementia? My mil always gave in to whatever my very strong willed fil wanted. She did not have a dominant personality. She went through dementia accepting whatever she was told needed to be done. She was happy and accepting. My mom and a neighbor both have very strong in charge personalities. Both alway very kind, just clear decision makers in the house. With dementia they both still expect to be in charge and have no problems complaining or arguing. Could there be a connection with personality before dementia? Has anyone seen any research on this? What do you see? Or do you think it’s just all a matter of what part of the brain is damaged by the dementia?

terei

ALZ patients have different parts of the brain affected, which I assume dictates how the personality is changed.

caregiving daughter

Great reflection…. My response would be yes. My mom was very angry and difficult. I have a neighbor, with a smile on her face, tell me that she has dementia. Her daughter, who lives with her, tells me she is very peaceful and cooperative at home.

I can think back to interactions with my mom growing up. She wasn't mean but she wasn't at all open and seemed very particular. Sadly, I think that affected how I developed feelings growing up. Oh, if we could only break some of these cycles…

April23

My sweet dad is still the same as before dementia: quiet, stoic, calm and good natured. Still likes to joke and laugh, even now in the twilight of his life. But he was always hard on me and that comes out too sometimes as well. I think their personality remains a version of what it was before for the most part, at least that is my personal experience.

Quilting brings calm

I think it’s the part of the brain that is affected. My mom basically kept the same personality except that her anxiety and depression increased. My step-dad kept being as stubborn, unpleasant and too touchy-feely with females as ever. However a friend MIL’s personality changed from very pleasant to very unpleasant, agitated and angry.

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H1235

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/275483#Comment_275483

I think you are on to something here. An unfiltered version of their former personality. I think that describes my mom perfectly. It’s like dementia has amplified those less desirable personality traits. Mom has always been a bit overly critical, suspicious of others, and sometimes just a bit demanding. Not in a horrible obnoxious way, these were just some things she struggled with (no one is perfect). Now these are much more pronounced.

JulietteBee

I do not know if there is a science behind it, but I remember learning in nursing school that an elderly patient will basically manifest the personality they had as a child.

My mom has always been calm, peaceful, courteous with everyone. She has retained those traits of character. My dad was very much the Type A, take charge personality, to whom mom submitted.

She often tells me I am very much like my father. What I am now learning is that she resents her former self for always conceding to what dad had to say. With that in mind, and my being so much like him, I now have hell to pay when I tell her anything that needs to be done. With me, she is argumentative, passive-aggressive, and a tad bit rude. With strangers, and the other members of my household, she is docile, sweet, and mild mannered. Her personality dissonance is a mystery to me.🤯

Daisy4U

I've wondered about this too. It's a great question. My mother has been pretty accepting all her life, but now it's like she has a split personality. One minute docile and accepting, the next angry, agitated and commenting rudely without the usual filters, like a toddler saying the first (usually inappropriate) thing that comes into her head. Trying to keep her calm is often exhausting. I agree that it depends on what areas of the brain are affected. Some people exhibit their existing personality traits, others flip the other way, becoming almost unrecognizable to the person one used to know.😥

harshedbuzz

@H1235

I've seen it go both ways.

I think older people— in general— become more of who they are. Specific to PWD, I feel like that tendency is enhanced by the losses around empathy (caring what others think) and social filter in the early and middle stages of the disease for most. That said, the deterioration of specific parts of the brain (e.g. frontal lobe) can impact mood and personality in others.

My aunt was a sweet natured and optimistic individual who remained kind and gentle until her passing. My other aunt was unpleasant and became nasty in the middle stages of the disease. My friend's mom was delightfully snarky among those she knew well but maintained a gracious facade with strangers and acquaintances until the middle stages of the disease when she started commenting loudly on others looked or behaved— loudly— in public.

Dad was a little different. He had some mental health issues. His geri psych suspected bi-polar, but I always felt there was a little sociopathy in the mix. He and I did not get along and as I result, I saw a side of him that others did not until his social filter disappeared. The middle and early stages were rough, but cobbling onto what @JulietteBee was taught, he became really sweet in the last weeks before he died. There are some who see dementia through the lens of a regression theory where PWD do cycle back to their childhood selves. Dad's aunts always described him as an angelic child; I thought they were delusional. If the regression theory is correct, it would make sense that his personality would go back to a time before the onset of mental health issues.

HB

pjasso

I've wondered about this too . . a lot! My mom's personality pre-ALZ has always been challenging for everyone. She could be lovely and friendly, but had a temper, and she was very much "in charge" of everything, or tried to be. She would get very upset with everyone (family or customer service people) if her "expectations" were not met. In her AL, she has attempted to assert herself in other people's business, trying to be helpful, but AL admin had to inform me she was crossing lines! Her temper comes out with her AL and I had to work hard to separate that from a lifetime of being cautious of her temper and accepting it now as the disease— but feels so familiar! Her new childlike being puts a whole other spin on it. But yes, I think the personality follows the disease. How I wish she was more accepting!