Visual cues for Memory Loss

ltbub0418

Has anyone had experience with their PWD recalling a lost memory with their own hand writing ?

I was thinking of having my Dad write things down while he still has the ability to. Things like instructions of his requests. How he wants his money spent…his living situation…etc. My hope is if I incorporate using it now, and he begins to forget things and IF he became anxious or confused as to why something is happening, that having that and using it as a gentle reminder (not an I told you so device) seeing it written in his own hand writing it might help ease his anxiety about the situation.
Any thought ? Advice ?
Thanks

H1235

I’m sorry, but I would not put too much hope into it. Mom didn’t believe she needed to be in Al. I told her the doctor said she wasn’t safe to live alone. She demanded to see the paperwork. When I showed her, she said the doctors had made a mistake and didn’t know what they were doing. Nine months earlier she had accepted the diagnosis. I think he will just say it’s not his handwriting, someone forged it or it was written long ago and things have changed. I don’t think it would hurt to try, as long as you let it go right away if it doesn’t work. It might also be nice for you to have this. So that when you make these tough decisions you can have some assurance that, this is what dad wanted. Fingers crossed he he just doesn’t become grumpy and argumentative.

ltbub0418

Thank you for your response. I think I’ll have him write things down….at least if my ghost siblings appear & have any concerns that will see it’s his request & it might ease them or at least shut them up. (I have DPOA & I’m the only one helping Dad at all)

caregiving daughter

Sure, but it may or may not work. I think a another thought is for you to make notes while you talk to your dad. Bring him some special personal items and have him tell the story of how he got the items.

H1235

Keep in mind that some requests may require a lot of understanding, knowledge and insight into the given situation. He may not be able to do that even now. The big request I’m thinking of is - never put me in a home. That is a complicated request that I would be very careful with your response. There are a few that have made this promise and kept it at the cost of proper care for their loved one, as well as significant harm to their own mental and physical health.

Emily 123

You can, sometimes there's no way to know. It could be upsetting to him if you produce something in his handwriting that he absoulutely can't recall. My mom became very fixated on her finances, but had done extensive estate planning (Yay Mom!). She knew what her wishes had been, so she was re-assured when I could tell her that we were following her plan and that she had done a good job letting us know what she wanted. If she asked about something specific I'd tell her we'd absolutely get her the paperwork so she could check it, and then she'd forget about it until next time. So while you may have him write down what he wants now, what's he'll need later is more the assurance that you're following his wishes—and that can be as simple as "you had said you wanted XYZ, and here's what we're doing". That's not going to reduce the amount of times he asks about it, because once the short term memory slips it will become "in one ear and out the other" (which also applies to reading something—the info won't be retained).

ltbub0418

Thank you Emily. My Dad also has done meticulous and extensive financial planning, I’m so grateful for that. I’m hopeful that constantly reviewing that now (which is where he is at right now) will help him retain it for as long as possible.
I just read stories on here that PWD can begin to think that people are stealing from them. I’m hoping that following his financial planning (that he has written out) might ease that anxiety if it should happen

April23

My dad is going on 3 years in LTC and 5 since diagnosis. He still talks about being robbed, things being stolen, people are going through his things at night, etc. He saw my hubby last week and the first thing he did was ask if we did his income taxes. We are able to reassure him in the moment. I’ve kept wishing for 3 years now that he would be at ease about it but so far it hasn’t happened.

pjasso

My Mom (mild-mod ALZ for 3 years) has been "writing and rewriting" her "LIFE STORY" for 3 years. She repeatedly says she is doing it because my son asked her about something in her life and so she started writing it. It is so so long! She loves to type and so she has been writing it on a Google doc that I have access to. My only wish is that I had made a copy awhile ago, as it has gotten a bit convoluted and I'm not sure of its accuracy anymore, or at least some stories have gotten messed up. My mom carries her iPhone everywhere and has a huge list of things to remember of everything, but much of it are little reminders to add things to her Life Story— mostly stories from her youth and her siblings and parents. It is very touching. What happens is she makes these list of things to include and then they occupy her mind and those are the stories she is telling us (over and over). I had to work hard for her not to constantly print copies as it has many many pages! So I've changed the file name to add "DON'T PRINT" and have tried to explain her family won't want a hard copy, but a PDF.

So yes, my mom is doing it, but because she thought of it and it has been ongoing for a long time.

pjasso

My mom also has tons and tons of little note papers on her desk and dining room table with reminders on everything, many many of them repeats. She puts these same reminders on spreadsheets (which she is fixated on making constantly) and she puts them on her Notes in her phone. There are several ongoing reminders that are not appropriate and I slip them in my pocket when I'm there and I delete them from her devices, which I have access to. But like a Whack-a-mo they keep popping back on!

ARIL

Who knows? Maybe he would recognize his handwriting, maybe not. Maybe he would see it as real. Maybe not. This is not a failsafe.

The ability to see handwritten text, read its content, recognize the handwriting as your own, and consider it to have some level of truth value—all that requires several inferential leaps. Logic declines in dementia. Most people lose reading ability in time.

That said, it’s always good to capture preferences while it is possible. But a preference for a living situation? Be careful. Circumstances change. Don’t get yourself boxed in to some kind of goal that may become unrealistic and unattainable.

ajzjmsmom

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/275727#Comment_275727

As someone who is living this scenario right now, I agree, do not make promises. Simply say “I will do my best and assure that you are safe and cared for.” My SIL lives with the fear she will let her dead mother down. Quite frankly is she can’t face reality, she will be the next one that will be buried.