Suggestions needed

ajzjmsmom

If you have read my previous posts you know that my husband and I are caregivers for his father on the weekend and his sister is the caregiver the rest of the time.

The last several weeks when we have gone to the store with him, when we get home he gets upset and thinks his wife (dead), daughter and or granddaughter has left him. He gets mad, says they are out spending his money that he worked hard for and he is just going to get his keys and drive somewhere himself (hasn't driven since his DX, 2.5 years ago).

He wants to call them, of course he can't call my MIL and we really try to give my SIL from Friday evening until Sunday later afternoon time to herself, so we say she is resting or she is busy watching her granddaughters play ball. Lately though he gets indignant and says he is going to call but tries to use his hearing aid volume control or television remote to call.

I might add he is very used to going places during the week with my SIL, they are out of the house most days, so it isn't a case of him being taken out of his comfort zone, he just isn't with who he wants to be with. I know that he is most comfortable with my SIL or her daughter simply because they have always lived in the same town as him and were an integral part of his and my MIL's daily lives, while my husband and I lived in another state.

Any suggestions on how to handle this without having to call my SIL or her daughter? Sometimes I can redirect but not the last several times.

caregiving daughter

Could you purchase some small gifts or treats and share them with fil over the weekend. You would say they are from your husband's sister.

This is going to sound extremely silly but maybe it inspires you. Could husband's sister wear a sling on Friday afternoon and tell dad that she hurt her arm and that she will be resting for a couple days. Monday comes and "magic", arm is better. Even if it works for a weekend or two, it could be a win. My mom seemed to process things better when she could see it before her eyes. Explaining was not understood.

H1235

People with dementia respond and even act differently with different people. Since taking him out and not seeing his daughter on his return seems to trigger him, maybe it would be best if you avoid taking him out if possible (even though sil does it regularly without a problem). Would it help to warn him as you return that your sil will not be there because she is …. ? Then he wouldn’t be surprised to find she’s not there. You mentioned redirecting him. Maybe put some real thought into what interests him the most these days and have that as your go to. I know when mom gets upset, I get upset and it’s hard for me to think fast. Having a planned distraction might be helpful. Would it help if you said I just talked with her and she…..? Is you sil aware of these accusations? Does she respond appropriately or does she argue with him and try to reason with him? I have a difficult brother and I’m trying to think how he would react and probably make things worse. I hope you an find a solution. Maybe someone here can come up with something creative.

Victoriaredux

Yes I'd avoid taking him out- if one of your weekend tasks if shopping for supplies can one of you do it ad keep him in his comfort zone?

I missed what the accusations are …..

ajzjmsmom

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/275846#Comment_275846

His wife, daughter and granddaughter are spending all his hard earned money.

ajzjmsmom

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/275839#Comment_275839

I will try the “I just texted her to let her know you are home now and she said she would see you tomorrow afternoon.” As far as just staying home, can’t give him that, maybe I will just tell him, he just finished talking to her before he went into the bathroom.