Spouse w moderate alz and vd money management

srichardswhite

hello. This is my first post. I have been caring for my husband for a few years. His brain woke up after many episodes of jeopardy lol he has had adjustments of meds and his brain received more blood flow. This is great. He can joke and discuss things. He started reading again and connecting online. Here is my problem. He went on manic buying spree. I wasn't expecting this. I am struggling with how to communicate why he cannot have credit cards. He complains I am treating him like a baby but after a $3000.00 spending spree and not remembering that he bought things is frustrating and scary for me. After 50 pairs underwear 20 pairs of shoes 25 pair of pants etc.

any suggestions about talking or redirecting. He is smart and savvy enough to take my cc and check book to apply for loans etc.

help

Ed's mom

Someone please have an answer. I'm in a similar situation however I can't do anything legally because she doesn't have a clear diagnosis. But I am complaining about the $20-30. "Dollar Store" trips a week. I'm so sorry, luckily my LO has a hard time ordering online.

cavenson

Trying to reason usually won’t work. One thing you can do is log on to Equifax, Experian, and Transunion and freeze his credit. He will not be able to get any new credit or take out any loans. If you have durable power of attorney, take it to your bank. They will give you permission to make transactions on his account. You can lower the credit limit on his credit card or freeze the card. If he’s buying from Amazon, perhaps you could change his password. My DH gets a lot of junk mail asking him to buy useless things or make donations. He fills out the forms and writes his credit card and an amount on them. Rather than put the envelopes in the mail for him, I hide them in a drawer and periodically shred them. He doesn’t get bank statements in the mail and doesn’t know how to check his accounts on-line. Other posters may have strategies to share that have been successful.

Lisamarie62

I went online and lowered my husbands credit card limit to $500. Also, I changed all the passwords on our investment accounts so he can no longer even check balances. I have a Durable Power of Attorney. He hasn't gone on a wild spending spree, yet…. but at least I have a $500 limit if he does. We only have one credit card and it will alert my phone whenever a transaction happens. You can set that up through your credit card online. Take this very seriously as my best friends' husband gambled away their entire life savings before he was officially diagnosed. They can not afford to have any help now that they are financially hurting.

srichardswhite

I can't agree more with the comments. I can't rationalize with him. He is frustrated but doesn't remember purchases. What can I say. Or how can I say it

SDianeL

You can't reason with someone whose "reasoner" is broken. Memory loss is not the only thing that affects dementia patients. Executive function & reasoning ability is sometimes the first to go. Take charge of everything now. Don't discuss it with him. Fib to him if you must. There are horror stories about PWD losing their life savings. Don't wait. Lower the limit on his credit card. Take away his ATM card. Get the mail and go through it before he does. Change passwords. Take away all computer and phone internet. Monitor phone calls to prevent scammers or set his phone to only allow calls from his address book.

Victoriaredux

If you haven't seen an elder care lawyer for the documents you'll need, now is the time.

You can have medicaid rules in your state explained, consider different ways to title your assets- make new estate plans- does a will or trust work better now. Select someone to step in if something happens to you , since it isn't him anymore,sadly.

SDiane gave a great summary of things to consider doing. It isn't maintaining dignity or showing respect to let someone with a damaged brain handle money that is now more than ever needed to be kept for the long haul ahead - and your life later.

H1235

My ideas are more how to do this rather than what to do. As others have said there is no reasoning with him. There is no getting him to understand. This approach will not end well. Do what needs to be done without telling him. Fib if that makes the situation easier for him. If he thinks he lost a credit card and that will solve a problem, then go with that. Tell him there must be something wrong with the website or you can ask the bank about the credit card not working tomorrow. Kicking the can down the road can sometimes be helpful. Distracting him may help a bit, but is probably not going to solve the problem completely.

https://iona.org/therapeutic-fibs-ok/

kath1054

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/275869#Comment_275869

Do you have a neurologist? I scheduled appt's with 5 of them, selected 2 and pushed for a diagnosis. Medicare paid 100% for every appt. That way, I could have testing done to find out what type of Dementia/ALZ and hopefully, have a better path towards the care DH needs. Do you already have POA? Please get POA first and then push for a diagnosis. My DH diagnosis took a year from the 1st neurology visit.