New here...

redole05

Hello, My mom has moderate Alzheimers though we've seen noticeable decline every few months. She is very suspicious of everyone. If she can't find something she's convinced someone has stolen it. She's unfit to drive per her neurologist though she thinks she's fine. She has no concept of what day it is and we've realized she is taking her medications random days or not at all. We're questioning if she's actually showering when she gets ready in the bathroom. My sister and her family live with her but she works so no one is home with her 24/7. She doesn't want to go to assisted living/memory care but also doesn't want a stranger to come help her. She's only 76.

How do I as her child go against her wishes even though it's to maintain her physical and mental needs? She doesn't understand that she does in fact need assistance.

notequipped

I’m in a very similar situation except it’s just me - no siblings and my Dad recently passed away. My Mom will be 79 in August. What’s the alternative? My mom is unable to live independently. She’s also not capable of the type of decision making required to decide what happens next. You do what you have to do to keep her safe.

H1235

Welcome. I’m glad you found our group. We all want our loved ones to be safe and happy. Unfortunately with dementia we sometimes have to choose between the two and safety really has to be the priority. Many with dementia have anosognosia. This is he inability to recognize their symptoms or limitations. Because of this they often believe they are capable of doing things that are dangerous. Their brain is not working correctly and there is just no way o reason with them or get them to understand (this often leads to an argument). It’s like they are aging in reverse and you are now the adult that needs to keep them safe. Just like we dont let a child have ice cream for dinner we need to our person with dementia is getting the care they need (even if they are mad and don’t understand why). Does someone in the family have a DPOA? This is very important. There is no way my mom would have ever agreed to move to Al. I signed all the paperwork (as DPOA). She was absolutely ferocious! Three years later she is in a nursing home and is still mad. She believes she can take care of herself. You can’t wait til she agrees or your able to get through to her, because that will never happen. It’s so difficult! I will add a few resources.

understanding-the-dementia-experience.pdf

DBAT.pdf

Anosognosia and Dementia - AgingCare.com.pdf

https://iona.org/therapeutic-fibs-ok/

JulietteBee

@redole05, your mom sounds like she is at the same stage as my mom, and both are guilty of the same charges.

My mom also did not want to be moved into a facility, neither did she want an aide hired to come care for her in her apartment. According to her, "I don't want anyone coming over to sit and stare at me all day."

After her 1.5 years of living in an ILF, and badly flunking her neuro-psych exam, her days of independence ended last month. Mom now lives with my family and me.

However, the difference between our moms' situation is that I am a medically frail retiree, who is home with her all day. I honestly thought I could make it through the remainder of this year with my household members and myself being her sole caretakers. Yesterday proved otherwise.

I had previously told mom that if she lost anymore functions, an aide would be hired without her consent. I had to bathe my mother for the first time in both our lives and my husband had to physically pick his mil off the floor.

She was incontinent of urine and apparently she was embarrassed and tried to handwash her soiled clothes in the bathtub. In so doing, she got on her knees,lost her balance and ended up slumped over the rim of the tub for 15 minutes without our knowledge.

I will be hiring in-home assistance through an agency by Monday evening with the expectation that they will be ready to meet & work with my adorably dimpled, yet confused, mommy upon her hospital discharge.🥰

As @H1235 said, safety trumps the happiness, independence, and even the personal preference of our pwd.