Another night on the couch

Windsock

My DW in the evening is wanting to go home so I drive her in a loop of 3 miles back home. Then she needs to go to bed by herself. Says she can’t have men in the house. Of course I encourage her that I’m here to keep her safe and watch over the place which is fine sometimes. There is a LOT of discussion, usually taking an hour or two. Its exhausting. Pretty much every day I’m not her husband but a nice guy that is here. If I push the idea of sleeping in our bedroom or staying she gets agitated. Unfortunately there isn’t a second bedroom. Might put an air mattress in the office. Some evenings we watch TV and I just get ready with her and go to bed but those seem to be less and less. I help her dress and undress so I can’t wait to see what she wore to bed last night ! She seems so aware of things that it’s difficult to distract her. It’s been 12 years now. Stage 6?? My daughter gives me 3-4 hours off on Wednesdays. I’m at the place of needing in home help but I can’t imagine her accepting that. Terrible disease. Thanks, you all. Mostly letting off steam.

Kat63

So sorry you are going through this but glad you are venting, as yes we totally understand what you are experiencing. Is your DW on any medications for agitation? Stage 6 is a tough stage. I remember having to take drives and and redirect and pull out different techniques to help calm my DH. Medication (Seroquel has worked for my DH) and music has helped my DH as much as anything. If he is agitated, I can put on his favorite genre of music and by the second song I can see him calming down. As far as have a caregiver come in, it has been a process. I used an agency and they sent different people every time and it did not always go well. I have now had success with a guy who works at one of the local care facilities and he is willing to stay with my DH on his days off. The draw back of course is you have to work with his schedule but he has been trained with Teepa Snow techniques and has worked out well. First caregiver that has actually been trained in how to handle dementia patients and he like’s making the additional money. Hang in there and my DH is now early stage 7 and it is a little easier.

Windsock

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/276058#Comment_276058

Thank you so very much. Great ideas. I’m in contact with her doctor for the meds for agitation. She also is musical and it does help at other times of the day to keep her mind off finding her husband. It sounds like you found the perfect fill in for some time off. The agency sending someone different each time certainly would not work. How did you find him? Did he advertise? Thanks again.