Moving to Another Facility

Bowerbird

I am in the process of moving my DH from a MC facility to a Care Home. I feel lucky to have found it because it has a much smaller caregiver to resident ratio and is actually in a residential house, so it is much smaller than the place he is in now. My DH is stage 6 ALZ and I believe he will benefit form the calmer environment and personal attention. I took him out for a ride and mentioned the move, but I think he forgets that he dislikes the place he is currently living in (as do I) when he is away from it and he did not understand what I was talking about.

My question is what to tell him on the day I move him in? When he left our home to move into MC, I said it was because the doctor felt he should be there for a while. That doesn't really make sense in this situation and I am stumped as to what to say. I thought about saying I want him to meet some new friends of mine that he will be living with, but that sounds awkward.

Any thoughts?

notequipped

Someone else mentioned saying something along the lines of his current MC facility is in need of repairs/renovations, etc in response to a similar post.

Timmyd

My thoughts… If he is not capable of remembering that he does not like the place he is currently in, then I wonder how much it really matters to him what you say. What difference do you think your choice of words will make in his ability to adjust? What you proposed sounds perfect to me. DW is in stage 6 and things that feel or sound awkward to me are not really much of a concern.

Bowerbird

@Timmyd Yes, I suppose you're correct in that it won't matter what I say, but he is aware of his surroundings, whether it be the place in which he lives or the restaurants we occasionally go to. He will recognize that it is different and I worry that it may cause more anxiety, if not fear, similar to what a child would feel.

Timmyd

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/276183#Comment_276183

Given that you care so much about the specific language you are using for such a difficult transition shows me you are doing an amazing job. I am caring for DW at home. For me, even the thought of placement is emotionally overwhelming. Please take the time to show yourself some grace and compassion. What you are doing is unimaginably HARD. Trying to do it perfectly seems like an unreasonable goal.

tboard

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/276162#Comment_276162

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/76423/moving-to-another-facility

It is possible that you won't have to say anything. If he knows he is in a new place tell him it it because it is a better place and that he deserves only the best.

SiberianIris

As people progress further into dementia, I think it matters more how we say things than the actual words we use. People with dementia are still pretty keen at sensing subtleties such as tone of voice and facial expression. Since you feel this is a better place for him and are happy to have found it, then whatever you tell him won't matter so much as your positive mood, which he will pick up on and hopefully put him at ease.

Bowerbird

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful and kind ideas. I think my DH has already picked up on my positive demeanor and is calmer because I am so relieved and happy to be moving him away from where he is.