Looking for advice

Maru

My DH has ALZ, somewhere in Stage 3-4. Last night, we were having a conversation and he stopped mid-sentence with a blank look on his face. When he recovered a few seconds later, he realized that something was "off" and obviously very concerned about what had happened. He had forgotten what he was talking about. He was visibly upset and I thought he was going to cry. I believe that he had had a sudden realization that ALZ was affecting him in ways other than forgetting words and names. In other words, ALZ was something he couldn't deny was happening to him. We have all had episodes of forgetting what we were talking about but this was something more.

My question is how should I have responded to this realization that ALZ was a rea thing in him. I tried to lovingly comfort him but I feel like that there was something I should have said or done.

Timmyd

The decision of how to respond in such moments feels very personal. In our journey, I would try not to dwell during such moments and instead just try to pleasantly move along as if it was no big deal. I tried to create positive energy that was focused on establishing a sense of normalcy, while quietly trying to provide the guardrails that minimize exposing DW's limitations. We never found any value in discussing the disease or its impacts.

I believe other people might use a different approach that works better for them.

CindyBum

Oh, honey. Those are such difficult moments.

My DW knew all the way until the end that this damn disease was taking her. In those moments, we would cry together, I'd hug her and tell her that she is right, it's happening and it sucks, but, I'm there with her and will love and keep her safe.

I never found any other way to do it. Honestly, I think that's all she really needed and it let us have a moment where we were a team, of sorts, again.

Big hugs. This journey is so damn hard.

Maru

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/276997#Comment_276997

Pretty much what I did. I wasn't sure if validating that this was due to ALZ was the best thing to do, but seeing what you wrote made me think that my response was alright.

Zechys12

My wife who is in stage 4/5 of dementia realized that she was dealing with something that was impacting her personality and behavior and she voiced her concern. She also asked me to always be honest with her. So, I am about as honest I can be without becoming maudlin or cold. We have occasional conversations about what she is experiencing, and I have found that a mix of honesty with a gentle push forward alleviates any mutual anxiety. I also try and comfort her when she feels alone or anxious. We are all warriors in a battle that takes no prisoners.

dcare45

My DW and I went through a similar situation. She looked straight in my eyes and asked “Why can’t I be like everyone else. They know “. Broke my heart. I told her she was better than everyone else and we will be okay because we are together. We never dwelled on it much. Tried to keep everything as normal ish as possible.
Glad I found this site, very good insight. A bit of validation that everything I do isn’t wrong or crazy.